A friend who was fried alive by his girl friend for leaving the toilet seat up should hear my tale of woe.
I left one of my curliest pubic hairs in the bath. On top of that I used her toothbrush - even after kissing her I was not forgiven for that.
I pulled the sheet from her side of the bed.
I kicked her when I was dreaming.
I broke a plate when doing the washing up.
I got mud on the carpet when I didn't wipe my shoes.
I got her the wrong ready meal from the supermarket.
I bought a peach that was going bad.
'At least it was my pubic hair in the bath' I pleaded 'you need to worry when it is neither mine or yours.'
'How do I know it's yours?'
'It's a man's hair.'
'So you have a boy friend?'
'It wasn't my fault if I kicked you when I was asleep. I had this strange dream.'
'Some excuse. You'll be strangling me next.'
'At least I do the washing up.'
'Big fucking deal. Oh roll up - here's a man who does the washing up! What a hero.'
'At least I did the shopping. More than some men do.'
'I'm always seeing men shopping in the supermarket.'
'I expect they see you too.'
'It's not my fault if I have the prettiest arse in the town.'
It ended there. She was right. She always is.