Wembley, North London: In sumptuous surroundings, cigar smoke in the air and many people speaking in high class pronounced accents, with their noses in the air, everybody fell silent when the main speaker for the evening, Tommy Cooper who was already standing at the lectern, coughed to begin the lecture.
"Lords Ladies and Gentlemen, may I remind all of you who are here this evening, that as standard protocol, the Tommy Cooper motivation that Fabio Capello has stuck up around the England dugouts, on the walls of every room at Wembley and wherever the England Team travel, including the dressing rooms and the toilet seats.
The message is clear, the message is sound and resonates whenever the England Football team play here at Wembley and abroad. It strikes hard, it strikes sure and makes all our opponents remember who we are! It is simple this;
"Tommy Cooper was introduced to the Queen after a Royal Command Performance.
- 'Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?' said Tommy.
'No, ..." said the Queen, '....but I might not be able to give you a full answer.'
'Do you like football?' said Tommy.
'Well not really ' said the Queen.'
'In that case, ...' said Tommy, '....do you mind if I have your Cup Final Tickets?'
As all of you here know me, as Tommy Cooper, I wish to bring this lecture to a close by starting another world wide joke. I will announce that, 'Fabio Capello may retire in 2012 as England Team Manager, when he gets older!'
Let us now see how far this joke will go worldwide. Let us see how gullible the World Wide Media are!
Thank you Ladies and Gentlemen, for listening to my lecture on the future of English football.
There was a polite and short clap in sumptuous surroundings at Wembley, as the cigar smoke lingered in the air. All the great and good continued with their conversations in their high class pronounced accents, with their noses in the air as if nothing had happened at all.