Written by Bill Licks
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Sunday, 5 September 2010

image for Thomas the Tank Engine goes on Strike SCAB!

It was another Monday morning in London Toy Town and Thomas the Tank Engine was all set to carry the miserable commuters to their work destinations.

He was doing the underground shift this week. How he loved to travel through those dark tunnels where no one could see him picking up the workers with their interesting body odours.

As he prepared himself for the day ahead, he noticed out of the corner of his eye the Fat Cuntroller stumbling down the platform towards him.

'Hello Bob' said Thomas.

'Don't call me Bob you cheeky fucking pile of rust and bolts, it's Mr Crow to you Thomas the Twat Engine.'

'Yes Mr Crow, sorry Mr Crow. Anyway isn't it time I was on my way to pick up all those chirpy Londoners?'

'You're going nowhere today Thomas. You're going on strike.'

'Strike?' asked the puzzled engine. 'Why on earth would I want to strike? I love my job no matter how little I get paid.'

The Fat Cuntroller shook his head at the engines enthusiasm for work. 'Listen Thomas. How would you like it if one morning I came to see you and I told you that you didn't have a job anymore?'

'I'd be distraught' replied Thomas 'I wouldn't know what else to do with my life. I'm a train and pulling carriages is what I do. I couldn't survive on Jobseekers allowance - not with my coke* habit.'

'That's right lad, you'd be no fucking use to anyone so that's why, this morning you are not moving one inch along that track'

'But why Mr Crow? WHY?'

'I don't need a fucking reason to call a strike. I've just come back off my summer holidays with the wife and kids and I'm fucking shattered so I just fancied a couple more days off. And rather than call in sick I decided to call a strike so I can put my feet up for a couple of days and not feel guilty about it.'

A tear rolled down Thomas' face as he watched the Fat Cuntroller punch an angry commuter who was already late for work.

'Oh well' thought Thomas 'Looks like I'll be having an unexpected day off then.'

And with that he let off a puff of steam and told the engine driver to fill him up with coke** before he left.

*Coke - The fuel used by early locomotives.
**Coke - Class A nose candy designed to get Thomas tooting his fucking tits off.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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