Written by James Cartwheeler
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Monday, 30 August 2010

image for The Illuminati Are Super Duper Real!

Have you ever pondered the notion of a supreme being which controls all that exists in the modern world. No, not god. it's the god damn illuminati again. They control the government, that nigger Obama, and even Jay Z. My cat once took a shit outside the litter box whilst at the same time my fridge broke and I'm pretty sure I saw a UFO so who is that? WHO THE HELL IS TO BLAME!?!?!?!

Idk.

But I know this.

Economy? Illuminati.

World Hunger? Illuminati.

Nazis? Hitler. And the illuminati?

Yes.

Why am I telling you this. internet? I got an email from this guy named Ellan Serratary an he/she/I don't even know said something so scary. He said "I'm not nearly as big as I could be and I could be DEAD if I don't grow quick." I don't follow his cryptic speech but I know one thing for sure. He's part of the illuminati and I'm pretty sure he knows where I buy my porn. ANd that's some serious shit.

Here's what else he wrote and be warned those with weak stomachs this is super real and scary.

"Amazing increase in thickness of yourPenis, up to 30%
BetterEjacu1ation control
Experience Rock-HardErecetions
Explosive, intenseOrgasns
Increase volume ofEjacu1ate
Doctor designed and endorsed
100% herbal, 100% Natural, 100% Safe"

Whoa.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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