Written by galgar
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Sunday, 29 August 2010

A new government incentive to teach younger female wives how to cook food was launched this week. The vast majority of them are so used to ready meals straight from the freezer to the microwave and the opening of crisp bags and ring pull cans to feed their families, they have absolutely no idea of the basics. Some of the silly twats don't even know that milk comes from cows.

The cost of processed and takeaway meals has rocketed due to the increase of food prices caused by the global recession and many of the alien run takeaway joints are closing because of higher overheads and falling custom. This has resulted many families almost starving and the aliens going home.

Results from the early morning bread buttering classes on BBC TV have been quite reassuring as most of the females manage to master the art in three daily lessons when using sliced bread. However, the use of whole loaves has caused many problems, especially when using serrated bladed knives to cut the bread. Thousands of young females have been admitted to emergency medical centres all across the country after hacking the flesh from their fingers.

Those watching the early morning TV lessons are advised to have a friend of relative standing by to rush them to hospital in case of further mishaps.

The present winners from this crisis are the morbidly obese families because they can live for months of their fat reserves...just like the grizzly bears do. Doubtless the eventual weight loss will enable the females to waddle about the kitchen and begin to learn the art of cooking proper family meals.

The TV lessons will continue for the present, but if the situation worsens and those concerned cannot manage to learn the basics, help is at hand in the form of the old fashioned soup kitchens where nourishing food is availabe at affordable prices.

PS. The lessons are in English only...ha ha ha.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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