Written by Jesus Budda
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Tags: Future

Sunday, 15 August 2010

image for Descriptions of Things For Future Generations Primitive human in 'Chair'

In the future there may be many changes to what we in our time may perceive to be the norm.

For instance, people called 'Norm' may be as rare as the wooden beams used to construct the great pyramids.

Personally I don't give two shits, but in the interests of the little children who will inherit this world of ours, I will try and catalogue some of the items present in the present which may not be present in the future (which to people in the future will be the present, obviously).

And with that said, let the cataloguing begin:


Wooden Chairs:

Popular amongst both the common folk as well as the hoi-poloi (see 'tossers').
Used for sitting on. The objective is to rest ones bottom on the flat horizontal surface, the legs dangling forwards over the edge. The persons back usually rests against the back of the chair (hence 'chair back').

Not to be confused with 'Toilet' (see 'Toilet').

The entire contraption is balanced on a raised scaffold system called 'legs'. Most chairs contain four such of these aforementioned legs.
Device is known to make horrible noise when dragged across the floor.

Chairs sometimes come in groupings of four and are accompanied by a flat wooden board with four legs called a 'Table'.

Human beings consume food at these tables while sitting on chairs.


Radio:

Usually a rectangular contraption with buttons and dials and a long metal pointy thing sticking up from the top.
This device emits sounds from distant places - mostly shite or people talking shite.

Cars (see 'Automobiles') contain such devices to transmit shite to people on journeys (usually to the shops).

Most of the time, radio's are kept in the off position so as to protect the ears from listening to this destructive shite.


Automobiles:

Automobiles are wheeled machines capable of travel across land.
The are captained by a 'Driver' who controls the direction and speed of the automobile.

Certain rules and regulations apply to drivers of such devices.
They must drive as close behind other automobiles - in many cases right up your backside as you are trying to slow down while turning into your house.
Drivers must also try not to use any of the included adaptation's to the automobile such as indicators (for indicating the direction the driver intends to take); and using dipped headlights when meeting oncoming automobiles.

Drivers of such vehicles are often referred to as 'hateful bastards', or the more general term 'bastards'.


Electric Kettles:

Plastic or metal machine capable of heating liquids (such as water) to boiling temperatures.
Used to make tea (see 'lovely tea') or coffee.

The entire machine is powered by an electrical currant which flows through the kettle and heats an inner 'element' - a coiled metal wire. The element creates a termo-reaction with the liquid contained within the kettle and increases the temperature.


TV Remote Control:

A rectangular piece of hand-sized plastic with buttons on one of its flat horizontal planes.
Used to control remotely another electrically-powered device such as a television (see 'Television').

The remote control was invented so that humans could enjoy watching crap visual and aural sensations emanating from their television while seated in chairs (see 'Wooden Chairs).

The remote control replaced small children - who previously functioned as organic versions of the device.


Next time:

We learn about Crazy Paving, Credit Cards, Toilet Roll and much, much more!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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