"We have an unemployment problem in this country because job seekers continue to ask dumb questions. It has nothing to do with the economy." So says Fred Erator, author of "Why The F--k Do You Think I'm Not Hiring You?" out today.
"People want to hire someone that can do the job, sure, but also someone they can tolerate," continues Erator. "I mean, I could hire my wife to be my secretary, but I'd cut her head off and hide it in a bowling ball bag before the day was over.
Things you should not ask at a job interview.
"Can I get paid under the table? My ex thinks she's getting that back child support. HA!"
"Is telecommuting an option? There's a payphone in the lobby of my hostel,"
"Does my resume even matter? I don't know what's on it anyway,"
"Does this look infected?"
"You are so handsome, can I just... touch your lips?
"I see you pay $12,00 an hour, but that's just for the Brothers, right?"
"Is this your daughter's photo? What is she, a mongoloid?"
"Can I just pinch the helmet a little under the table? I'm all worked up."
"Start in two weeks? But my unemployment doesn't end until November."
"Do... do you smell that? God, I think your secretary has her period."
"But my pimp WAS my last employer."
"Can I just take a quick nap?. I did, like, four lines at, like, 10am, and now I'm crashing like a motherf--ker."
"This is one of those no-show, Tony Soprano jobs, right?"
"No I can establish my ability to work for an employer; is that important."
"Are you breaking up with me?"
*Inhales Deeply* "Do you want a hit?"
"Will my clit ring set off the metal detectors?"
"I dunno. Ask yourself if you've ever been fired from a job for stealing?
"I gotta sh-t bad! Where's the bathr...? Well, that just resolved itself.