Written by victor nicholas
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Friday, 6 August 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Excitement at Record Levels Marjorie Stevens Says Excitement Levels Too High

Newport - Tourism Director Terrence Knight was excited to announce results of an excitement poll today indicating that excitement here on the island is at record levels."

"I am sure I can speak for all islanders that this is the most exciting news we have had in some time now."

While the poll indicates that excitement is at high levels no indication was given as to what was behind all the excitement which lead to an emergency meeting on Monday evening by Mr. Knight with the Tourism Bureau to discuss addressing escalating excitement levels here while the situation is still manageable.

Mr. Knight was slated to make an announcement after the meeting to discuss the Tourism Bureau findings however no statement was made causing residents even more apprehension and raising excitement here on the island to even more unbearable levels.

Longtime Whippingham resident wheelright, Neil Longbottom declared "Newcomers may have trouble coping with high levels of excitement but after a couple years they learn to cope with it near as well as the local folk who have lived here all their life."

Wheelright Kevin Stevens of Ventnor believes excitement levels can all be traced to "Hard-top tarmac being installed from Newport to Ryde in 1990."

"I was in Ryde for the day last Tuesday and couldn't find a place to park my car with all the tourists coming here, this excitement has got to stop, the Isle of Wight is not the place it was ten or even twenty years ago."

Marjorie Stevens 76 of 10 Hopewell, Freshwater says "Well it's understandable with all the new things going on and such. I can hardly keep up myself, too much excitement I say, something has got to be done about it before it affects the children, I just want to tend to my nasturtiums and impatiens without all these distractions."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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