This thing makes noises when I press the butty-boos.
Turn that key?
I cannot. I have no hands. I have little pigs trotters.
I sit at the back of Mammy pigs cart and pretend to be Farmer Tom.
I wave at the cows and the sheep and say "Toodle-oo".
They wave back with their tails and sing a happy tune.
If only they knew what they are being bred for.
Further down the yard, I spot Mister Dog the dog wagging his tail.
"Hello, Mister Dog", I say, "Doing anything nice today?"
If only he knew that the cat secretly sleeps in his bed.
And so I carry on pushing the buttons with my trotters and saying hello to all the animals.
"Good afternoon, Missus Chicken", I wave. "Lovely day for a picnic".
If only she knew that her children were in the farmer's sandwich.
The inevitability of action forces us to inaction.
Secret codes are written on my wellys.
I never drink and drive.
I'll buy a birthday card on the drive back to the swamp.