Scholars doing research at the USA'S various presidential libraries have discovered letters written to the former presidents by ordinary citizens. Three examples are provided for President Richard M Nixon, President William J Clinton and President Barack H Obama (sitting president without a presidential library).
Dear President Nixon: It has come to my attention that you have dispatched a group of plumbers to the offices of the Democratic National Committee (DNC) located in the Watergate Apartment complex. These individuals broke into the DNC office, burglarized the safe looking for campaign strategy data, planted listening devices (bugs) and then tried to cover their trail.
Dear Mr. Jaworski: The president has asked me to tell you that he did send a group of plumbers to fix a leaking toilet for his Democratic friends, who were constantly complaining about being constipated. While the group was on site, as licensed exterminators, they took care of a few bugs. Finishing up their presidentially assigned lawful tasks the plumbers neatly covered up their work. The president was then told that the cover up was not actually completed because of some missing tapes in their tool kits.
White House Counsel
Dear President Clinton: Al and I have been having problems with our marriage. Since your dalliance with Monica in the White House, Al has tried to emulate your approach to seducing women to improve our marriage, while still remaining faithful to me. We have fixed up a room that looks exactly like the Oval Office, I have bought a purple dress and Al has purchased a box of Cuban Cigars. However, this tactic has failed to garner results. What do you suggest we do?
Hello Tipper: Bill is one of a kind, what works for him does not work for everyone else. Al doesn't chase women, although I have heard rumors about him and a lady named Carbona Dockside being rather close. In any case you must stand by your man, especially when living in the Washington DC political fish bowl.
Hillary R Clinton
Dear President Obama: I am somewhat amused by your health care plan, that you say will provide the current quality level of medical care for additional multi-millions of people and yet save money. Mr. President, do you think that running up over a $3 trillion deficit can be offset by saving a few billion dollars here and there on paperclips (PAYGO legislation)? During this recession/economic downturn you are also creating more federal jobs than private sector jobs. This fiscal approach is real voodoo economics!
New York NY
Dear Rush: On behalf of President Obama I must tell you that you are using the old math and you should switch to the new Democratic political left math to see how health care reform actually saves money. As you know Americans are under taxed (which the president will remedy), the 50 states will be abolished saving tons of money and reducing bureaucracy by 50 to only the one in Washington DC. The president, Congress and the federal agencies will then have more money to spend and create more green federal jobs, paid for by the taxpayers green. Finally, the FED will always be able to print more money as needed. Have a nice day!
Presidential Press Secretary