Written by Bill Licks

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Tags: donkey

Saturday, 24 July 2010

image for Anapka the parasailing donkey's guide to '25 Things a donkey must do before its 25' The craziest animal on the planet

1) Make a child that's sitting on your back cry by braying as loudly as possible.

2) Make a child sitting on your back laugh by taking a dump on the feet of its parent.

3) Befriend a racehorse (preferably famous) and not just in the platonic sense.

4) Look permanently miserable even when you're not.

5) Parasail in Russia

6) Appear in a pornographic film

7) Visit Blackpool

8) Visit Scarborough

9) Visit Weston Super Mare

10) Carry an old man up a steep mountain.

11) Let an old man beat you with a stick to make you go faster

12) Throw old man off your back into a big pile of steaming donkey crap

13) Carry objects that are twice the size of you up a steep mountain - for example a grand piano or a small four door family hatchback.

14) Take Prozac

15) Spend a relaxing vacation in a Donkey Sanctuary

16) Prove that you really are hung like a donkey particularly in the presence of kids and embarrassed parents.

17) Don't go to Italy - They'll probably eat you

18) And avoid Spain too because they're also partial to wanting to stick you between 2 pieces of bread washed down with a drop of Sangria.

19) Bungee jump in Russia

20) Attract flies simply by standing still all day in a pile of your own crap

21) Bite a human - the younger, the more satisfying the reaction

22) Have no strings attached sex with a mule - they're sterile so no worries about having to cough up child maintenance a few months later.

23) Appear in a national newspaper looking sorry for yourself.

24) Avoid becoming a tin of Pedigree Chum

25) Skydive in Russia - without a parachute

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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