Takwana Smith and her 'bezzy friend', Anitakapita Jones, both of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, North East England, are planning to visit The Isle of Wight for their summer holidays.
When asked by Spoof Writer, Lady G.who befriended the 'interesting pair' a few months ago....WHY they were planning to holiday on the Isle of Wight, Takwana replied,
"Well, y'know 'ow much our lads were pissed off wen England got pu' out of the Werl Cup thru no faul' of their own...?...well...me and Anitakapita decided to teck their minds of it by goin' sumwer diffrent fer out 'olidays like, if yer ge' ma meaning like.
See, we usually go to Toremalinas or Magala...but they're all full o' Brits. boozing from erly mornin' te midnite like and all they does is drink, argue and end up in a figh' like. So tha's just like stayin' at 'ome like, bu' wi' a bi' more sun like. Yer know wo' A mean like?
Then the drunken sods all go lookin' around Toremalinas or Magala, looking fer a freakin' fish 'n' chip shop. Well they don' 'ave te look far coz there's a freaking fish 'n' chip shop on every bleeding corner over there.
Ye see. Loads o' Brits moved over there for a better life.
Christ, all they did was move and set up Little Britain.
Righ' saddos the lo' o' them.
Hey tha' reminds me o' that freaking hilarious show on telly with those two poofters. Mind - they was ded funny".
Anitakapita interrupted her 'bezzy friend' and said,
"Well, yer were askin' us abou' our plans to visi' the Isle o' Wight righ'?
It's like this ye see.....we've bin readin' the Isle o' Wight News la'ly - online like - and i' sounds ded good like. Yer know worramean. Lots o' stuff 'appenin' over there. Wierd stuff, but ded funny too.
Me an' Takwana fancy takin' our lads on a diffren' 'olidy this summer don' we Takwana?"
"Wo'ever", answered Takwana, checking out her fake finger nails.
"Don' even worry abou' 'er," continued Anitakapita,
"She's just pissed coz 'er lad didn' buy 'er any bling this week'.
Anyway, we ARE goin' over te the Isle of Wigh' in 2 weeks tarm.
We're gonna visit all the places we've read about' and try an' meet as many of the inabitan's of the Isle as we can.
Well 'speshully the one's we've read abou' in the Isle o' ?Wight News."
Both 'ladies' promised to tell all about their holiday on the Isle of Wight as soon as they return. (IF they do indeed 'return'!)