George Wasborn, Chancellor of the Exchequer was interviewed today, by our unpaid reporter Inchcock Chambers, to try and get a true feeling for the nations flock, about the true intentions of the current Government.
Inchcock was led to the office for the interview by a burly, earpiece wearing security guard, (who kept smiling and growling at him), and handed him over to Wasborn, sat behind a walnut antique desk, in a luxurious swivel chair.
Wasborn looked up with distaste, glanced Inchcock up and down, and waved his hand limply to the wooden stool in front of the desk, for him to sit down.
Inchcock thanked him, and balanced himself on the 9" round seated high stool.
"Well," started Wasborn, "What can do for you then..?"
"Thank you for seeing me Chancellor, my editor has sent me to try and find out exactly what the British public can expect from your tenancy as Chancellor?"
"British public?... oh the voters?"
"I intend to save the voters cash in the long term, are you aware of how much can actually be saved by prudent management?"
"Please tell me sir."
"Would you like a drink first? Champers, Gin, Whiskey, Port..."
"No thank you Sir, unless you have a cup of tea?"
"Tea? Oh you must be from the North?"
"Well, the Midlands actually Sir."
"Ah, and how are they getting on in Barnet?"
"The savings Sir?"
"Yes... what about them?" He started to pour himself a generous shot of Bells.
"You were going to tell me about the savings to be made Sir."
He downed the drink, and poured himself a glass of Port, then answered: "Did you know, that the average citizen of this country, could, with just a little tweaking of the rules by this Government, increase their return from Swiss Bank Accounts by 1.2%? Yes, and by the time we've finished with increasing the unemployment to 4 million, just look at how easy it will be for the average citizen to pick and choose his employees, cut holidays, cut sick pay, and demand loyalty from the riff ra... workers!"
"Sir, the average citizen does not have a Swiss Bank Account, nor do they employ other people."
"Of course they do, Gardeners, Maids, Butlers, Chauffeurs, Cooks, Nannies to name just a few! - No Swiss Bank Accounts, well that one is news to me!"
"Most citizens are either out of work, on low pay, or struggling to survive Sir."
"Poppycock, my private secretary said only this morning to me PA, that the second secretary to the Minister of Finance, that things could be worse!"
"I think Sir, that secretary must have been referring to the fact that New Labour are no longer in power!"
"Oh.. don't you worry, we'll beat um next time!" He downed the Port, and lit up a Cuban cigar.
"I think I've got enough detail now Sir."
"Splendid my man," shouted Wasborn, as he disturbed his jigsaw puzzle on his desk.