Jesus Christ: The Final Interview... (Part 2)
Q: Do you regularly smite people?
A: Every once in a while. I dusted off the whole Malaria thing for Cheryl Cole. She annoys me. Normally, the whole free-will thing kinda doesn't work if we're throwing lightning bolts at people every time they screw up. It is a person's sense of right and wrong that keeps people straight.
Q: Ok,here's goes nothing. Mel Gibson.
A: Buffoon. Mel Gibson has lost a step, religion-wise, after spending 45 years on the Catholic All-Star team. For a guy with his money and success, you'd think he'd be a happier guy. Heck, I was a happy guy, and I knew that my Father was going to kill me!!!
His Hamlet was actually pretty good, tho. Certainly better than hammy upstager Kenneth Branaugh.
Q: What should we know about Christ's position regarding the War in Iraq?
A: You're asking me what is My opinion of organized, sanctioned murder in order to prosecute social policy?
Do you know how many wars have been prosecuted in My name? Trust me, my father and I were dumbfounded by The Crusades. It was ministry from the tip of a sword,
In order for one to agree with war, one must believe that two or more ideologies are functionally incompatible. Ideologies are operationally pure: It is only when ideology is tempered with bigotry, or hate, that they can not co-exist. And bigotry can not be a material aspect of ideology.
Q: Did you watch the World Cup?
A: Not so much, frankly. Heaven is on Eastern Standard Time, so the games we at, like, 2 in the morning. Everyone in Heaven has to be up by 6:30 for P.E., and I'm not running a 4 ½ minute mile of 4 hours sleep.
It was kind of funny that France forfeited early, the USA turned up late, and England had to battle the Germans. Where did I see that sequence of events before?
Q: Did God make any mistakes, creation-wise?
A: Other than Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag? (Laughs.) Seriously, no. God is infallible. What does exist are some designs that are good, but could be better.
My personal feelings? I think we could've made horses legs a little thicker. Man, they stub a hoof and 20 minutes later they're taking a bullet in the head. I think we could take another look at Tila Tequila, and putting Israel next to Egypt . I'm not thrilled with David Caruso's acting, and I assure you Limp Bizkit and the 2010 Knicks must've slipped through the cracks in quality control.
And I can't explain why Shannen Doherty's left eye is 2 inches higher than her right one.She looks like a Picasso painting!