Written by Aubergine Underwood
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Monday, 12 July 2010

image for As the World Spins: The Boyle Family Saga, Episode 3: Pebbles Boyle Enters Susan's Search Contest Nepotism is Everything

Hello Again Good Humans!

Pebbles Boyle here. I am happy to say that I have finally been released from rehab at The Priory and am feeling very much better. I have been using this time to reflect on what has gone wrong in my life over the past fourteen months and gain some insight. I have decided that it is time that I make something of myself. Being a pet is simply not enough.

Imagine my surprise when I flipped on the news on ITV1 and saw the announcement that my owner, Susan Boyle, is holding a singing contest to find an unknown singer to join her in a duet for her next album. "Pebbles," I thought to myself, "this is the opportunity you've always wanted. Go for it!"

I know that my voice is up to scratch. Heaven knows I have spent many a midnight caterwauling on the back fences of Blackburn. I assure you that I can easily reach "High C" and beyond.

I also have experience singing backup with the Pebblettes, the hard-partying group of felines who unfortunately led me down the road to perdition.

"Silent Night" has long been one of my favourite Christmas carols. I used to love listening to Susan sing her beautiful version. I have an absolutely killer idea for my audition video: I will sing the first verse acappella and then do the second verse in the original German while singing harmony with myself. I am sure this is the purrfect concept.

I have been looking at the YouTube videos my competitors have submitted and I'm rather afraid they are self-deluded as to their singing ability, the worst being a lady calling herself Big D from Denver whose screeching can shatter glass. Literally.

My major concern about winning the contest is the terms and conditions of the contract Sony has you sign. I thought slavery had been abolished in the United Kingdom some time ago. To protect my rights I have retained the law firm of Miaowell, Scratchit & Purrs.

I am really looking forward to winning the contest --nepotism must count for something. I'll get to travel all over the world, appear on TV shows, and surely make enough money for a lifetime supply of pilchard and cream.

Love and Purrs, Pebbles

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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