Written by Lady Godiva
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Sunday, 11 July 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Newby gets second set of traffic lights Newby's new traffic lights erected

Newby, now has two sets of traffic lights. The residents were extremely excited when the first set was 'erected'. Now they are 'over the moon'.

The first set was 'erected' in 1969 and a street party was held. Ribbons were tied to them and children danced around them like they dance around a May pole. Traffic was held up for 45 minutes.

The first set is to be found at the North end of the High Steet. The second set has been placed at the South end of th High Street, 200 yards away from the first set.

In keeping with tradition there will, once again, be a 'dancing around the traffic lights' display. This will take place at noon.

The original 'children' have been asked to do the dancing. As they are ALL in their late 50's and mid 60's now, it is anticipated that motorists should expect to be held up for one and a half to two hours this time.

Guest of honour at the ceremony will be Paul the psychic octopus, who has been in hiding on the Isle of Wight since correctly predicting Germany's loss in the semi-final of The World Cup.

Paul will be taken off the Isle after the Final of The World Cup and be takenby his 'keepers' to a safe aquarium somewhere in the world, until the maniacs after his blood, cool down, or he dies. Whichever comes first.

Residents of Newby will miss Paul but wish him well.

Refreshments will be served, by members of the local Women's Institute, to those who come out for the celebration. On the menu are porridge sandwiches, chicken sponge cake and a selection of 12 year old single malts.
(That last item just might be a misprint...it's most probably l2 year old bags of soggy maltesers, so dont get too excited.)

Donations for refreshments will to go towards paying for a new set of dentures for the Mayor. He lost his when he went swimming in the lake. Couldn't keep his gob shut as usual.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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