Written by Inchcock
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Tags: God

Sunday, 11 July 2010

image for What if God decided to install voice mail? Communicational Possibility?

What if God decided to install voice mail?

Intrepid unpaid reporter Inchcock Chambers, debated this point with Patrick O'Malley, at the Church Of Our Lady last week, and between them came up with this scenario, in the event that it should happen.

Imagine praying and hearing this:

Thank you for calling My Father's House.

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for requests

Press 2 for thanksgiving

Press 3 for complaints

Press 4 for all other inquiries

What if God used the familiar excuse...

"I'm sorry, all of our angels are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on the line."

Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call God in prayer? If you would like to speak to:

Gabriel, Press 1

Michael, Press 2

For a directory of other Angels, Press 3

If you would like to hear King David sing a psalm while you hold, please Press 4

To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven

Press 5, enter his or her Social Security number, then press the pound key. (If you get a negative response, try area code 666.)

For reservations at "My Father's House" please enter J-O-H-N followed by 3-1-6.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, and where Noah's Ark is:

Please wait until you arrive here.

Our computers show that you have already prayed once today:

Please hang up and try again tomorrow.

How about:

This office is closed for the weekend please call during normal business hours,

or...

We are closed to observe a religious holiday.

Please pray again tomorrow after 9:30 AM. If you need emergency assistance when this office is closed, please contact your local vicar.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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