Written by Leddy
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Sunday, 11 July 2010

The Price Of Blasphemy - I didn't return to the battle grounds where the backsliders had revolted against my divine authority for about six months. I wasn't going to return there at all but I had a change of heart. I don't know if it was my compassion or my love for the little ones that drove my thoughts and made me return but one day I did stop by to see if the Red Fire Ants had repented of their sins against me.

I got up at sunrise one morning and scurried down the bunny trail heading in the direction of the battle grounds. I was in a very good mood and it was a beautiful day. Everything was going so well that day that I hoped my subjects (the ants) wouldn't provoke my wrath like before and cause me to become an angry god again.

This day was special and I didn't want anything to go wrong. It was a special day because I had planned a special ceremony and service to baptize the newborns of the congregation (colony).

When I was about 50 feet from the village where the ants lived, I could see something up in front of me; as I got close enough to see it clearly I almost lost my halo. It was a statue of a redheaded clown, who was holding a large hamburger in his hand, he also had the letter "M" carved into his chest.

All my children were bowing to the pagan idol and paying homage to it. All of a sudden, my wrath became kindled and I raised my boot over them and slammed it down on top of as many of them as I could and squished them into the desert sand. I kept stomping on them until I could see their guts oozing out of their miserable shameless carcasses. I then took my belt off from around my waist and began whipping the ground trying to smash as many of them as I could before they got away.

Whipping and stomping in a bloody frenzy of wrath, I must have killed about 15,000 of the filthy blasphemers and those who did get away were so terrified and traumatized that they will probably never recover emotionally.

After about 20 minutes of punishing the evil doers, I came back to my senses. As I looked around, I could see the terrible carnage and damage that I had done to the Red Fire Ants but the thought of their great sin of having another god before me kindled my wrath again two fold and I began stomping on the dead ant carcasses until even their remains had been punished in to hell.

With this final episode of my wrath towards them delivered, I turned to punish their god, the redheaded clown holding the hamburger.

At first, I cursed the false idol, then I bent over and picked up some rocks to stone the graven image into perdition. I hurled a large stone at the evil clown and as the rock struck the statue it made a pinging-ringing sound, the same kinda sound that metal makes when it's struck by something.

I moved over to the statue so that I could take a closer look at it. When I did, I discovered that it was made out of pure gold. I was amazed again of how intelligent my subjects really were and I wondered what on earth else were they capable of?

Just then, I heard the blast of a miniature Howitzer artillery cannon go off about .01 kilometers behind me and I felt the heat from a small artillery shell the size of a grain of Uncle Ben's Converted rice whiz by my head.

As I looked around the battlefield I saw an entire battalion of tiny ant size tanks coming my way all raising the barrels of their Howitzers and aiming them right at me. I quickly grabbed the golden statue and began dragging it away towards the scrape metal yard where I worked.

The evil doers gave up chasing me when a squadron of incoming chirpers flew in from out of no where and began raiding their food supply. I saw about 3 of the incoming chirpers get shot down while I was making my get away but who cares, at least I was alive to fight another day.

Upon arriving at the salvage-yard with the pagan idol, I found out by doing a chemical analysis on it that it wasn't real gold at all but some metallic alloy (fool's gold). At the bottom of the statue there was a manufacturer's address label that could not be completely deciphered, all that could be seen were the letters "R" and the letter "M," the rest of the letters were missing.

It was quite clear to me then that my lost children were bigger sinners than I had thought because they even stooped so low in disgrace that they stole their own false god. This had to be avenged because they provoked all the hosts of heaven by what they had done. However, I wasn't sure how well armed the Red Fire Ants were but I knew that it wasn't just going to be a coup d'├ętat that I was going to be up against but the battle of Armageddon.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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