Written by Jesus Budda
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Thursday, 2 September 2010

image for Barry's Magic Trousers - Chapter 2 This bears no relation to the story. Yet....

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Chapter 2

"Keep away from my cock", Barry spat, clutching Percy the cockerel tightly to his chest.

Sebastien Penisbreath merely laughed at the apparent fear he struck into his rotund rival and stalked forward, his bushy ginger eyebrows arched high above his cold, black eyes.

"What's the matter, dear boy? Not afraid of a little competition, are we?"

Backed up against the side of the tent, Barry has nowhere to run and hide so he summons up all the confidence he can, stands tall, chest puffed out, and faces his feared enemy.

"F-f-f-f-Flip off!"

The words spill out from his wet lips and manage to surprise even a hardened bastard such as Penisbreath.

"T-t-t-that's right. Flip off, Penisbreath!"

Barry juts one of his many chins out as far as it goes in a show of strength, although its plain to see his quivering lip trembling nervously - something which a man such as Penisbreath picks up on instantly.

"You're brave now, but will you be as brave at dawn tomorrow morn, my lad?", Penisbreath challenges.

Now surrounded by a curious crowd of onlookers, Barry is emboldened.

"For a joust?", he asks.

"Indeed. A joust when the cock crows", Penisbreath adds theatrically.

Barry nods his head in agreement.

The crowd cheers and Penisbreath moves off, the tail of his coat swishing like, erm, the tail of a coat.

Barry's young sidekick, Little Tony, scurries forward to his side.

"Jumping jillickers, Barry, are you sure you can tackle Penisbreath?"

Barry steadies himself against a chair and exhales nervously.

"Gee, Barry, are you OK?", Little Tony asks.

Barry gazes into the distance and memories come flooding into his tiny mind.....

Memories......

A cold November morning on the windswept Moors.

Two men perched in combat, both wielding their cocks and frozen in battle stance.

There can be but one winner.

The prize?

A gift voucher from SuperSaves on the Quarry Road.

"Do you like custard?", bellows Penisbreath, "Custard with a dollop of ice-cream on top?"

"Enough of the small-talk, Penisbreath. I'm here to BATTLE!". Barry strokes the feathers on Percy the Cockerel in a manner that suggests a fondness for the cock, but also a deep respect for the animal's fighting abilities.

"Then fight we shall". Penisbreath removes the hood from his own cock, Kevin.

"My cock is unsheathed. Now we shall see who is the ultimate warrior...in cock-fighting terms, at least", Penisbreath adds.

Chapter 3 will explain more. Probably.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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