Written by Lady Godiva
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Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Wild Boar loose in Newby High Street Sorry, wrong type of bore

Excitement ran amock in Newby High Street, this afternoon, as did a wild boar which had caused the excitement.

The boar was first sighted entering the back garden of Mrs. Millicent Molly Mayhew (65), who is looking ofter Paul, the psychic octopus until the World Cup is over (see related story).

Millicent believes the boar must have got a whiff of Paul or the cod she is feeding him every 4 hours whilst he 'hides in secret', in a wooden barrel in her back garden.

Local school children began to chase the wild boar, pelting it with day-old doughnuts from the local bakers owned by Dicky 'Dough Boy' Dipstick. He provided them free to the youngsters saying,

"Well, A likes a good larf A do. It's 'armless fun. Keeps the kiddies out o' trouble."

The 'kiddies' had a bit of a scare when the wild boar suddenly stopped running, turned around and spat at them. As it started moving towards them, little Billy Murray, winner of the recent Marrow Growing contest (see related story), wet his pants and started crying.

As the wild boar closed in on him, a kindly neighbour, who was standing on her freshly scrubbed doorstep, apron on, arms folded, duster tied around her head with two curlers sticking out the front and with 'fag' hanging out of her mouth, grabbed little Billy by the frayed collar of his school blazer and yanked him to safety.

The startled boar, on seeing little Billy fly miraculously through the air, and, seemingly disappear, turned tail and fled.

It was last seen heading for a thicket growing behind the church.

Newby villagers are STILL looking for a replacement vicar. (See related story).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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