Written by Lady Godiva
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Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Paul the psychic octopus goes into hiding until after World Cup Paul, the psychic octopus, is in hiding on The Isle of Wight

Residents of Newby, Isle of Wight, have been sworn to secrecy about the whereabouts of Paul the psychic octopus.

Paul, today (or was it yesterday) predicted that Germany would lose in the Semi final against Spain. Paul has predicted the outcomes of all Germany's games so far (wins of course).

Newby resident, Millicent Molly Mayhew (65) is quoted to have said,

"Well, yes, we've been sworn to secrecy about Paul's whereabouts but that's never stopped us talking to the cute reporters before, so why should it make a difference NOW?

Paul is in my backyard in a big wooden barrel, full of water of course. I'm feeding him 2 pounds o' cod every 4 hours. Mind 'e has as bloody long 'reach' so I 'ave to stand on a chair, about 3 yards away, and toss the buggery cod into the barrel.

I don't often miss, but if I do, our cat runs out o' the bushes and tecks off wi' the fish.

It's 'ard keeping the village children away from the barrel. They like to tease Paul, y'know like children do, poking 'im wi' big sticks.

I'm just worried in case one time, Paul sticks out one of 'is very long ten tickles and grabs one of the wee bairs. But - I 'ave warned 'em all and I can do no more."

There is no picture to accompany this story because when our photographer, 'Snappy' Fingers, went to sneak up on Paul to get a shot, out came a bloody long tentacle and it grabbed hold off the camera and withdrew tentacle and camera into said barrel.

'Snappy Fingers' escaped unharmed and shakingly said,

"Stupid buggers, asking me to sneak up on a giant bleeding octopus. Well if they think I am paying for the camera out of my wages, they can go and take a running jump."

More as this story unfolds.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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