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Tuesday, 6 July 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan Tweet or Line from Lohan's Linda Lovelace Biopic Inferno? Tweet, tweet, ya f--kers.

Lindsay Lohan Tweet or Line from Lohan's Linda Lovelace Biopic Inferno? You decide...then we'll reveal the answer!

"Iranian mother of two to be stoned to death this is HORRIBLE"
Fake love for oppressed women? It's a TWEET!

"I'm stupid and ugly and every part of me is a disappointment."
Tweet from Samantha Ronson? Nope, Line From Inferno.

"I hate my hair and my zitty face and I hate the way I look."
Trick question; it's both! Just kidding, it is a Line From Inferno

"do you believe everything you read? You shouldn't!! :)"
Do you believe this cracked-out ginger has 5,352,221 people reading her Tweets?

"I got to shoot two 380's matrix style @ once! Worth being tired now!"
380? Not 360? Hoo boy. If it is stupid, it is a Tweet.

"Just wrapped on my night shoot on set- its sunrise and cold!!" Bad punctuation? It must be a Tweet.

"Thank you to all of the crew and everyone on the shoot for being such troopers on our 'vampire shoot'! Also, for being so sweet :)"
"Trouper" spelled wrong? It's gotta be a Tweet.


"I love it when my man Chuck socks it to me in the a--."
Unless "Chuck" is Hebrew for Eilat Anschel, it's a Line From Inferno.

"Is there anything in this life I like more than c-cks-cking?"
@JustinBieber Naah, it is a Line From Inferno.

"this is a place i will NOT be hangin' at! right?" Betty Ford? Church? Sh-tty capitalization + sh-tty spelling + sh-tty punctuation - funny = Tweet.

"I once took on a pro football team, and I don't just mean two at a time." @KordellStewart? Nope, Line From Inferno.

"To me, there is nothing more delicious than jism. I like to smear it on my face like Ponds Cold Cream." Lindsay and Boyjuice? No way!!! Line From Inferno.

"Are you sitting up here thinking dirty thoughts?" Could be from dad Michael, but it's gramatically correct, so it is a Line From Inferno.

"I was put on this earth for one thing and one thing only -- sucking a footlong c-ck."
Lindsay with a c-ck? Only if she's acting. Line From Inferno.

"my brother Michael and his puppy Brooklyn :) so cute they are!!"
Filed under "Insipid writings from alleged drunks," it's a Tweet.

"Snoop Dogg - "Oh Snookie" is my JAM! #trueblood. Snoop murdered it."
Who the f--k writes this sh-t? Oh, right. Lindsay Lohan. It's a Tweet.

"you're mother writing :)"
Remove the contraction, and it is "You are mother writing..." Gotta be a drunken, coked-up allegedly Tweet.

"next monday.. after the twilight premiere- we can regroup for another discussion.. lol"
Yeah, if "discussion" translates to "Heroin-fueled Pink Taco group-grope." Allegedly. Tweet.

"i need to find Benny who's on the show "Dad Camp" & i want to spend a day w/him & let him know he's not alone."
Yeah, show him your SCRAM bracelet and he'll see what the good life is like!! Tweet.

"I got nothing to give anybody but a hard time." Testimony in Tuesday's probation hearing? No. Line From Inferno.

"Can't wait for 6126 handbags! Contrary to rumors, I'll be fully clothed for the campaign!"
They're using her last nude photo on Jeopardy: "Alex, what is 'the effects of Coke, Tobacco and Bulimia?' " Tweet

"Nice work @iamMarkRonson I love 'bang bang bang' told @samantharonson last night"
The banging was Sanantha's forehead against the headboard. Tweet.

"Photo shoot for Indrani and Markus... So that's bullsh-t too.... Thank goodness for #twitter !!!!! The truth can be stated!!!!"
LET US PRAY: Dear God, please render Linsday sterile? Amen. Tweet.

"I am looking at oliver on a banquet raging for the ladies shhh! Don't tell him! Hehe"
Are these even sentences?? Don't drink and text, everyone. The result is... well, this is the result. Tweet.

"Its so pretty outside by the beach today :)" Proposed next Tweet: "they dont have beaches in rehab, right? god, and i heard no vodka or fiorinal either? thats two things less gooder. allegedly"

"I'm nothing. I'm a piece of dogsh-t on the sidewalk."
TWEET! No, just kidding. Line From Inferno.

"X17 couldn't be more wrong! Well, actually-they COULD and HAVE been more wrong. Oh my what ever happened to real, world important news?"
Sadly, Lindsay, your Tweets are more interesting.

"did YOU have fun last night"
Tweet. PS: She was on the floor of the bathroom at Nobu, looking for a dime-sized rock that popped off the back of the toilet when she tried to crush it with her Black American Express card. Alleged

"FYI.. #kombucha was not the reason that my scram went off-i wouldn't of been allowed to drink it if that were the problem"
Tweet. Oh my GOD!!! "Wouldn't HAVE", not "Wouldn't OF," you uneducated twat.

"The things that girls must do..... :/ if you only knew"
Well, if your Tweet means 'rub Preparation H on your nostrils because the $100 8-ball you finished in 4 rails was cut with ether and burned like hell, but you didn't have any coke to use to numb it,' we know.

"to be discussed what? lol i don't even know what your referring to and responding as if i do as i watch tv in bed!!"
WHAT ?!?! Your Tweets are like the first 4 chapters of Flowers For Algernon.

"heard about this exciting new topping for your pinkberry-we got it and i must say ya'll are missin' out! so good!"
Nice Tweet. "I'm sorry, Ms. Lohan, but again, crushed Percodan and used PAP smear Q-Tips are NOT toppings.

"There's almost a dangerous element to her presence"-Markus Klinko"
This is what Markus said when he saw you driving and called 911 on you, dipsh-t. It wasn't meant to be a compliment. Tweet.

"Just saw Ellen Page in a mini coop... She's so pretty!"
Nice tweet. You not only remove any doubt as to her sexuality, now stalkers know what she's driving.

"Just saw Ellen Page in a mini coop... She's so pretty!"
Proposed next Tweet: "I bet her lap smells like Ivory soap and Downy fabric softener. Not like wet taco meat and RU-486. I hate you, Samantha."

"A waitress just hit me - punched me for no reason" Another Tweet. Hey, Linsday, no reason? You lost bowel control in your booth, and then tried to steal her tips.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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