Written by j.w.
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Tags: Spy

Friday, 2 July 2010

image for My night with a spy You don't have to hide it in your pants

Without realising what I was doing I let the nation down as my trousers hit the floor.

She smiled at me: 'What a strong man you are!'

I should have realised what a con this was. I am the weediest weed you have ever seen.

But I was useful to her. She was letting me into her body for a reason. I had secret information.

During the night she wheedled it out of me and absorbed the information with a big sigh.

'You have given me all I need, darling'.

The shame of finding that I had been taken for a ride by a professional sleuth!

It wasn't long before it was clear to me that I had compromised state secrets.

Then Anna rang me at work.

'Darling. I need you tonight' she pleaded.

'No. You will undo me' I whispered into the phone, as I knew everyone around me had much to fear from my weakness.

'Darling' she said 'tonight you will find yourself in another world.'

I wanted to say no but I couldn't do it. Desperately I cried 'Please Anna I need to see you.'

A meeting was arranged and, without her knowing I put a recording loop into my pants. Anna Chapman was to be revealed.

She realised quite quickly that I had something hard in my pants, but thought it was my sexual arousal. It was, and more.

Then the obvious problem. How to progress without revealing the loop?

'I want to kiss every inch of your body' I slobbered.

'Go ahead' she murmured.

I knew her game I had to get her talking on my tape between the licks. She said things giving herself away.

She encouraged my lip servicing but, as I feared, her hands wrapped themselves about the loop. She held the loop in her hands. I was about to loose everything!

'Darling' was her startled cry 'if you have a hearing aid it doesn't worry me. You don't have to hide it in your pants.'

'I can't hear a word you are saying' I cried, grabbed my trousers and shirt and ran from the room.

Through my loop I could put my inside story into the hands of an astonished world.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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