Dorking - It is with a heavy heart that this reporter must relate that the Dorking Wandering Minstrels' presentation of Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs flopped badly on its opening night at the Jacob Zuma Theatre For The Bomb Damaged in Dorking.
Sadly, the opening night was sparsely attended by an audience of seventeen, and the players appeared to be sadly lacking in confidence and enthusiasm.
The show was marred by unwitting audience participation, as when the undercover cop is revealed, Mr Jacobs, of the florist's shop began to suffer with spinal spasms, and an ambulance had to be summoned, leaving the players stunned in an ocean of ketchup on the stage.
Mr Jacobs has suffered from a bad back for years, as his friends and neighbours know only too well, but he could have picked a better time to suffer back spasms.
Unfortunately, Mr Jacobs' emergency situation disrupted the flow of a previously disjointed production, rendering it basically incomprehensible.
Dirk Woodcutter, playing a leading role in the production was continually interrupted by his mobile phone continually ringing, and by little Johnny Eckerslyke continually tossing Maltesers at him.
When you factor into the equation the sad lack of props - an obviously plastic water pistol is one example - it was, on the whole a night probably best forgotten.
Director, Algernon Fancydan apologised for the poor quality of the opening night performance, commenting that Reservoir Dogs was probably not a wise choice for an Am-Dram troupe to take on, but promising some improvement in the upcoming production of Terminator 2.
Mrs Doreen Stagghunter, of Old Knacker Lane, provided some excellent home baked angel cakes during the interval, and has promised theatre patrons something revolutionary and exciting for the T2 production.
We can't wait.