After years of toiling for peanuts, yea, less than peanuts if truth be told, a noted Spoof Writer today announced his free agency from The Spoof.Com and said he is putting himself on the 'open market' and encourages 'all reasonable offers."
Whilst bidding for top NBA stars commences in the Colonies today, with Super Star Lebron James amongst the most coveted, with offered salaries approaching $30M per year, and spoiled Footies demanding $200k a week, and getting it, Spoof Writing Agent Marvin Fiddlestein said it was time for someone to break the strangle hold held on spoof writers by Internet Tycoon Mark Lowton.
"Sir Mark has had a knack to cajole a stable of top writers to toil for no compensation, certainly a throw back to before the industrial revolution,'"said Marvin at a small press conference in his home office in Jensen Beach, Fl.
"Why these talented people put up with it eludes me, chalk it up to the superior salesmanship of Sir Mark, and of course the threat of bodily harm and mental abuse that is always implied, but never actually stated!"
The writer, who wishes to remain anonymous to save embarrassment in case no one offers him a long term contract, said he had recently reflected over his output for the past several years.
"Right, " he said pensively, " I've toiled relentlessly day and night to get a leg over in this Spoof business. What have I achieved? I've dashed out over 600,000 words, 'earned' over 2M points, been mentioned on Google, been complimented by my peers, and been called a 'racist bastard' by a damned Scot...but has that put one farthing in my purse? Nay! Not one bloody farthing!"
The writer pointed out that even Banco Americana has a point redemption center and for example 25,000 points earns you a $250 cash reward, or you can pick from a catalogue of gifts for redemption.
"I understand the editor may not wish to involve himself with cash redemption schemes," the starving writer said, " what with exchange rates and all, and of course the recent furor in bogus claims for housing maintenance, medical reimbursements , and paying rent to your gay lover and then declaring a 'write off'. But, not even a friggin' catalogue to pick out a nice bouquet of daffodils for the Misses, a $10 coupon for some fish & chips, a pass to see the HMS Victory, or a one day pass for the 'hop on hop off'?"
Said yet another writer, looking at it more objectively after writing twice as much," Look Mate, you can write for the spoof for nothing, or you can pay a French Dominatrix to beat the shit out of you and humiliate you at the same time and pay her $3500, and maybe even die during the experience...at least with the spoof you still get to wake up in the morning and beat yourself up again for nothing!"
Hard to argue with that.
More if the offers roll in.