Written by Inchcock

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Thursday, 1 July 2010

image for 103 Reasons Not To Get Married! Do Not Tie The Knot

"When you're single…"

1. You get the whole couch to yourself.

2. There's half as much housework, cooking, and cleaning to do.

3. You can watch whatever TV channel you like, without arguments.

4. You can get home from work at whatever time you like.

5. You get to eat the whole "meal for two" by yourself.

6. There are fewer important birthdays (spouse, kids, spouse's parents, etc) and no anniversaries to accidentally forget.

7. Without a spouse you have can still have a decent social life in your 30s.

8. You don't keep catching every sniffle, cold and flu bug that your spouse brings home.

9. You don't have to live halfway between your workplace and your spouse's workplace.

10. Once you're married most of your friends will also be married, and coincidentally (like you, if you marry) they will mostly be staying home with their own spouse's instead of hanging out with you.

11. You can lie in bed in the morning for as long as you like.

12. Nobody sees what you look like first thing in the morning.

13. No soap operas (of sports shows, depending on male vs. female perhaps)

14. You can throw your dirty socks on the floor where they belong.

15. There's no pressure to make the bed in the morning

16. You don't have to worry about what the bathroom smells like when
you walk out of it.

17. You know where the bar of soap has been

18. You don't have to put out Christmas lights if you don't want to

19. When you're single the lawn looks a lot better when the grass is longer

20. No one hears anyone snoring

21. Folding clothes? - No thank you!

22. There's no fight for remote control ownership.

23. Smelly socks and skid underwear are not that big of an issue when you're only washing your own.

24. On your way out you know that you're shoes are right where you took them off yesterday.

25. We can stay in the shower as long as we want and don't have to worry about conserving hot water for a spouse (or kids).

26. You can do laundry - or not.

27. You don't have to shave if you don't want to.

28. You don't have to share your razor with anyone

29. You don't have to buy Valentines/birthday/Mother's day cards.

30. You won't have anyone saying 'you're not going to wear that, are you?'

31. If your married and no fashion sense your spouse thinks you're a moron. If you're single and have no fashion sense people think you are eccentric.

32. Burning the food is not a big deal.

33. You're not as accountable to anyone - if I want to do something, I just do it!

34. If you mess up your finances you have no one to blame but yourself.

35. You ALWAYS know EXACTLY how much is in your cheque account.

36. You get the whole bed to yourself.

37. You can watch a late show on the bedroom TV and no one complains.

38. There are no unexplainable moods to contend with.

39. You have much more freedom to choose.

40. If there's dribble on your pillow you know where it came from.

41. You never have to say where you've been or what you've been doing.

42. There's no curfew.

43. You never have to hide anything in your shopping cart under other stuff.

44. You can spend all you want or all you have - it doesn't matter.

45. You never have to worry about saying what you think, or having to pretend you're thinking something that you're not.

46. You can be rude if that's in you're nature.

47. You can eat what YOU want.

48. You can join a gym because you want to, not because your spouse is embarrassed by the way you look.

49. If you get fired from work you're not considered a loser - just unemployed.

50. You can have friends over who behave outrageously whenever you want.

51. You don't have to worry about what sort of food to buy and you can eat whatever you want, whenever you choose.

53. You can listen to your favourite tunes in the house or in the car and no one fiddles with the station or complains about your taste in music.

54. You can spend all night on the phone without having to justify it.

55. You can go to bed when you please - or not.

56. You can read all night if you want to.

57. No one criticises the condition of your car or expects you to wash it.

58. There's plenty of space in the wardrobe.

59. You don't have to pretend that you're interested in what happened to your spouse at work today.

60. When you're single there is a LOT less drama in your life!

61. You can make a mess - and leave it that way.

62. You can drink wine out of a bottle or milk right out of the jug whenever you like.

63. You don't have to write cards on anyone's behalf for birthdays or Christmas.

64. You don't have to excuse your behaviour to a spouse.

65. You can pass wind at will.

66. When you're single your opinion is always the best opinion.

67. You never have disagreements with what a spouse when you're single.

68. When you're single you can enjoy great performances of gay musicians and actors without getting that "eye-rolling" thing from your spouse.

69. You don't have to listen to your spouse pant every time their favourite actor or musician comes on the television.

70. When you're single you can flush - or not.

71. You can put the lid up or put the lid down - it's up to you. Whatever you did last is exactly how it will be when you return next time - just the way you like it.

72. Dragon breath in the morning is no big deal when you're single.

73. If you're single you can eat right out of the refrigerator and no one cares.

74. You don't have to share ANYTHING with ANYONE.

75. No in-laws (this one speaks for itself)

76. Paris is back on the list of vacation considerations.

77. Grow your nails, cut your nails - it doesn't matter.

78. Pyjamas or not - doesn't matter.

79. Sweatpants and baggy shirt - no one cares.

80. The best parking spot is ALWAYS yours for the taking.

81. Cooking your own meals never ceases to be an adventure, and never starts becoming punishment.

83. When you're single you can paint the town instead of the house.

84. When you get home after work, you don't have to start work again.

85. You can tell people you're single and not have to lie about it.

86. You'll never have to trade your interest in miniskirts for minivans.

87. You'll save about £200,000 in grocery bills alone over the next 20 years if you stay single.

88. College? You didn't pay for yours so why would you volunteer to pay for someone else's?

89. When you're single you get to keep ALL the money.

90. When you're single you get to hold the actual credit card and not just the bill.

94. You can use your own name at hotels.

95. When you're single you can tell the person criticising your driving to "get out!"

96. When asked for their opinion, a single person can say "Yes…you are fat!".

97. When you're single you can lick the spoon and keep on stirring like nothing happened.

98. When you're single you never miss all the things you used to be able to do before you got married.

99. Married people with grey hair are thought of as old and tired, but single people with grey hair are considered wise and distinguished.

100. You can save money by not having to insure your spouse

101. If you are easily offended, carry grudges and are unwilling to forgive.

103. Finally, when you're single you can enjoy the bliss of silence any time you want!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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