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Tuesday, 29 June 2010

image for Shakespeare wrote Beatles songs! Good old knobhead himself.

A historian has revealed evidence that the Beatles never wrote their songs but stole them from the famous William Shakespeare.

The historian has discovered that the famous "Cavern club" in Liverpool has been in existence since the Romans invaded but in the sixteen hundreds it was a notorious coffee shop and a haunt of the poets and playwright of the day this has continued to the present day.

William Shakespeare (known as knobhead in those days) was a frequent visitor to what was known as "Mrs Minges coffee and bordello shoppe". In those days he was known as "barasic lint" or short of the Nelson Eddies-skint! Mrs Minge being a kindly old crone and fond of the arts lets budding poets and writers have free coffee and a cheap shag for a song (in those days known as a "sonnet") or a story or a play.

Well in those days they had no electronic tills so Mrs Minge placed the "sonnets and plays in a hole between two loose bricks where they lay undisturbed until the nineteen sixties when four scruffy layabouts came into the newly named "Cavern and whores club" later shortened just to the "cavern club".

Whilst idly flicking tabs at each other and talking Liverpudlian shit John Lennon dislodged a brick in the wall to discover the lyrics to "Magical mystery tour" "She loves you yeyeye" and "hey jude". After secretly loosening more bricks they discovered many more lyrics all signed by non other than "Knobhead Shakespeare".

Being art students and totally thick they were gonna throw them away until a Paul McCartney realised the paper was worth something down at the re-cycling depot. When they got there "Burt" the boss of the re-cycling and shit-shovelling department realised the greatness of the stories and lyrics and said - "eeyup wakker get recording this shit". And the rest is history.

A relative of William Shakespeare -Billy Shakespeare a clogg re-treader of Gomersal in Yorkshire has gone to court to claim 150 billion in royalties for the stolen lyrics. The case is still pending as is the case of the "Rolling Stones" who found lyrics in the same wall by William Wordsworth and the famous song by them called "Goodbye Ruby Tuesday" comes from the poem by Wordsworth called " I wandered lonely as a cloud".

Further court cases involve U2 and Lord Byron Brian Poole and the tremolos and "Shelley" and Sir Cliff Richard and Keats.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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