Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

image for Letters to Congressperson Doofos from a Constituent

Have you written to your Congressperson or Senator lately about pertinent issues such as healthcare reform, energy legislation, tax credits, illegal Immigration, out of control spending, the economy, the national debt, the BP oil spill or Michelle's garden? Then to only receive an inane response, written by a legislative aide, such as follows.

Dear Congressperson Doofos: I do not believe that the president's proposed health care reform legislation is grounded in reality. Please tell me how the quality of USA health care will remain the same, while adding 30 million more people into the system and that my cost will also be reduced?

Philbert of Macadamia
Pizmo Beach, PT

Dear Philbert of Macadamia: Thank you for contacting me on health care reform. It's good to hear from you. As the US Representative from Pizmo Beach, I am committed to meeting the day to day needs of Pensyltucky's citizens like you and the long-term interests of our nation. Pennsyltuckian's have a right to know, to be heard and to receive information about what their representatives in Washington DC are doing.

After the 2400 page health care reform bill is passed, I plan to read the entire document. Currently I am engaged in getting the funding, promised by House Speaker Pelosi, for the Pizmo Beach Sports Complex, Opera House and Planetarium.

If I can be of further assistance on any other current issue on which you would like to comment, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Congressperson A Demo Doofos,
Washington DC

Dear Congressperson Doofos: The president's proposed energy legislation (Cap and Tax) places a tax on energy companies to stimulate green energy development. This cost will be passed on to the consumer! Do you realize that the USA uses 4.0 trillion kilowatt-hours of stationary plant generated electricity per year? That's a lot of solar cells, windmills, biomass and geothermal sites! What about alternate fuel sources for transportation, other than windmill powered automobiles? Please also tell me how you calculate only a $1.00 per day increase in my energy costs?

Philbert of Macadamia
Pizmo Beach, PT

Dear Philbert of Macadamia: Thank you for contacting me on energy legislation. I appreciate your thoughts on this subject as well as those previously conveyed to me. As the US Representative from Pizmo beach, I am committed to meeting the day to day needs of Pensyltucky's citizens like you and the long-term interests of our nation. Pennsyltuckian's have a right to know, to be heard and to receive information about what their representatives in Washington DC are doing.

The president and I are fully committed to ensure that all of Pensyltucky's citizens, especially your children and grandchildren, breathe clean air, drink clean water and are protected from nasty oil spills caused by yacht racing British subjects. Some of our best expert's here in Washington DC, such as Dr. Pinocchio at DOE, believe the added energy costs will actually be less than $1.00 per day.

If I can be of further assistance on any other current issue on which you would like to comment, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Congressperson A Demo Doofos,
Washington DC


Dear Congressperson Doofos: The president has proposed tax credits to small businesses that hire unemployed workers. It is still less expensive to pay overtime to my currently employed two workers until the economy picks up and my business gets additional customers. Please tell me if I only have enough work for my two workers, how adding a third worker will benefit my business?

Philbert of Macadamia
Pizmo Beach, PT

Dear Philbert of Macadamia: Thank you for contacting me about small business tax credits. I appreciate hearing from you again, again and again. As the US Representative from Pizmo beach, I am committed to meeting the day to day needs of Pensyltucky's citizens like you and the long-term interests of our nation. Pennsyltuckian's have a right to know, to be heard and to receive information about what their representatives in Washington DC are doing.

The offered small business tax credits are backed by the full faith and credit of the federal government. Pizmo Beach's citizens must also come to the aid of their unemployed neighbors, just as the nation did after Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana and the earthquake leveled Haiti. In this manner you can participate in reducing our national debt and feel good at the same time.

If I can be of further assistance on any other current issue on which you would like to comment, please do not hesitate to contact me. Again thank you for writing. However, I will be on a fact finding trip to Botswana for the next several months and completely out of communications contact.

Congressperson A Demo Doofos,
Washington DC

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

86 readers are online right now!

Go to top