Written by Susheel nair
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Monday, 29 August 2005

All right. As I set out in search, here’s the etymology for the word “Honeymoon”.
It all started during some king’s rule in some 340 AD in some North European place which was not part of EU then, which is besides the point. The actual point is, men during these pre-medieval times, abducted their women of choice, with help from their friends who, never revealed the whereabouts even if their genitals were manually bitten off, until the abductee got pregnant and/or her parents gave up the search. So apparently, during the abduction, the man and woman drank a lot of honeyed wine under the moon, and got blown beyond their rockers to copulate, sometimes, with rabbits.

This went on for some time, and unlike now, parents then weren’t too impressed with the word ‘Honeymoon’, it had the same sound effect as the word Gonorrhea.
So one day they got tired of this non-sense and blatant violation of civility, which by the way was in draft form then, decided to march to their King Atilla to lodge a formal protest. So when they arrived at the gates of King Atilla, surprise surprise, he had just abducted his 546th wife and was getting drunk in the French Riviera, which was then only known as Riviera de Francaise Incognito.

What I don’t understand however is, did the chicks of those times just let themselves be abducted?? Didn’t they object, flail their arms and kick the air while being carried away?? Could the mother be abducted if she were pretty??
Well whatever, these guys did seem to have a whale of a time under this cool dude of a King, without ever realizing they were in the process of creating history by coining the word “Hjunottsmanathr”
Aka, “Honeymoon”.

And yes, they didn’t drink exactly under the moon all the time, folks those days didn’t have Mtv and were pretty much coy about public sexuality. The moon’s interpretation came from some jealous, loser of a moron who never got a chic, gave a cynical explanation saying, “just as a moon wanes and waxes out, the thrill of a newly wed does too”. He was later shot in the stomach., but the explanation slipped through history somehow.

Of course, there are other renditions to the etymology, written by complete jerks who never got married and didn’t party in all their nerdy lives. Hence I stuck with this one, also because, it appealed to me.

So ladies and Gentlemen, that’s how honeymoon came into being. And if you are wondering why the abduction part got lost in history, its because, lethal, non-electric, nutcracker was invented soon after.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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