Written by Cal Jennings
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Friday, 18 June 2010

image for America Returning to Values as One Nation Under God Adam & Eve

I've thought long and hard about this. Perhaps the Republicans and Tea Partiers are right. Perhaps there is so much trouble in this country because we've gotten away from God. Considering this, I decided to get to the very root of all troubles.

You see, what brought the collapse of this God-given country is the same thing that got us thrown out of the Garden of Eden. CLOTHING! After all, it wasn't until Adam and Eve showed up with a fig leaf covering themselves that God really got angry.

When man and woman were naked in the garden, bare bodies were nothing unusual. It was only when man made clothing to HIDE body parts that man's curiosity about what was behind those body parts were aroused, creating lust and sinful desire. When what was natural became "secret," as in Victoria's Secret, it brought the collapse of respect for one another as individuals. That thought that there was something hiding just behind that fig leaf, pair of Calvin Klein jeans, that Yves Saint Laurent jacket, or even hidden by a pair of Nike shoes is what has stirred the iniquitous lust in the hearts of men and women that led to our fall from grace.

It was also the desire to obtain clothing that led to much of our destruction. Each week a woman would want a new outfit, so man struggled to attain more and more to try to satisfy his wife's desire for the latest fashion. Eventually, some men became so tired of trying to please their women and still being unable to earn enough to please them that they turned... GAY!!!! It was clothing that turned our nation into a Godless, cursed, gay nation.

If we are to restore this great nation to God, it's obvious what we have to do. We all have to burn our sinful, ungodly clothing! We need to have clothes burning rallies! We need to run au naturel in the streets! That will show God that we are FINALLY ready to obey His commandments and return us to a life of peace and prosperity. Then, and ONLY then, will we be living as God intended.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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