PHOENIX, Arizona - Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer told the main stream media that since she enacted her tough immigration bill the influx of illegal aliens entering her state from the Republic of Mexico has gone from 47,000 a month all the way down to zero.
The governor sat relaxing with her bare feet propped up on an indoor-outdoor futon on the front porch of her $7.3 million dollar governor's mansion named Casa Stalag.
She was sipping on a 16 ounce tumbler of Seven & Seven, since she has banned Margaritas, Dos Equis Cerveza, and Corona Cerveza from the entire state.
And sitting beside her, in his pink boxer shorts, with a Lone Star Beer in his hand was none other than one of America's most famous law enforcement officers Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio.
Sheriff "Pinky" was given that name by the hundreds of inmates that he houses in his Maricopa County Jail. Arpaio decided that he would make everyone of his prisoners dress all in pink; pink jumpsuits, pink socks, pink flip flops, and pink boxer shorts.
One of Sheriff Arpaio's ex-girlfriends Ching Ching Chuk said that most people do not know it, but Joey, as she calls him, really has a hell of a strange fetish.
Ching Ching said that she found it really weird that a grown man would gain such tremendous joy and excitement from watching his prisoners parade around dressed all in pink.
She said that she brought it to his attention once when they were playing a game of Twister, which she pointed out he always insists on playing while dressed in one of her pink teddies.
Ching Ching said that she finally drew the line when she found out that he had decided that all of his deputies would begin carrying pink guns and pink bullets.
She said that "Pinky" is a one-man box of Granola. She giggled and said "I swear Joey is one weird ass flaky, fruity, and nutty fella."
Governor Brewer, who is referred to as "Brewer the Screwer" by most of the other 49 governors was asked about the fact that the influx of illegal aliens has completely stopped.
She smiled, took three sips of her Seven & Seven and said that it was just a matter of getting down to business and clamping down on the out-of-control illegal space alien invasion.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Abel told me that the governor did use the word space. He said he wanted to leave it in and I totally agreed with him.]
Governor Brewer was asked about the fact that since the immigration bill was put into place, it seems like everywhere you look one sees hundreds and hundreds of nuns.
She laughed and said that she had noticed that herself. She took two sips of her Seven & Seven and said that she figures that what it is, is that nuns from all over America are just coming on down to her state to help people who want to confess about the fact that they broke the law.
Brewer noted that she figured that the nice nuns are probably telling the illegal aliens that they should not be here and that they really need to buy a Greyhound Bus ticket and head on back to Tijuana, Guadalajara, Tampico, East L.A., or where ever it is they came from.
Governor Brewer was asked if she has ever made it a point to actually talk to some of these thousands of nuns.
"Oh heavens no. Ah no pun intended." She quickly replied. She went on to say that she has not spoken to any of these ladies because she learned years ago to not make it a habit of mixing religion with government.
Brewski, as Michelle Obama calls Governor Brewer, added that she just found that it works out better and this way she does not feel an obligation to purchase raffle tickets or attend bingo games.
She also noted that she does not have to explain to anyone her eating habits. The governor says "Look, if I want to eat me a sirloin steak with all the trimmings on Friday, I will just damn doggone do it."
SIDENOTE: The Illegal Aliens Union Numero Ocho Cinco headquartered in Chupacabra City, Mexico, has stated that the nun disguises have worked so well that they are planning on starting to do the same thing with illegal aliens disguised as priests.