I just thought that I would write a quick little message and just let everyone know that I am not missing. And the truth of the matter is that I am purposely hiding in a cave in Afghanistan. Yes I know it sounds crazy, but hey Osama Bin Laden has been doing it for years. I find that the absolutely atrocious Afghani heat helps with my sinus condition, my digestive system, my circulatory system, and my undescended pecker. So I ask everyone that you please stop worrying about me. Worry instead about Donnie Rumsfeld, Sandra Bullock, or that mean black bitch with a horrible attitude Naomi Campbell.
Thank you for letting us know. We have been quite worried. We will now inform President Obama so that he can recall the U.S. Marine search party he had sent to look for you.
Dear Editor: Just a note to let you know that reading the articles, jokes, and snippets on your site has really done wonders for me self esteem and self worth. As you certainly must know by now, I 'ave been getting bombarded lately by insensitive, uncaring, inconsiderate blokes and bitches like you would not believe. I am however, keeping me chin up as well as my somewhat abundant arse (ass to those American readers). Thank you again for all the gobsmacking giggles your writers have given me in this sad time of undercover sting operations and such.
Sarah Ferguson (The Duchess of York)
Dear Sarah: You are quite welcome. And do say hello to Lizzy when you see the old Buckingham broad.
Dear Editor: I sincerely want to thank you for the tons of publicity that all of your wonderful writers have given me, especially Skoob, Colonel Juan, Bureau, Morse, Queen Mudder, and Abel. It has really helped to get me through this most difficult of times. And I have to say that my BFF Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough also had a hand in it, no pun intended. My goodness is it hot in here or is it just me?
Dear Cheryl: On behalf of all of our Spoof site writers you are deliciously welcome. And thank you for the nude 8 by 10 glossy. I will see about posting it up on the site for the guys (and gals). And do give a reverse cheerio to Dee-Dee.
Dear Editor: Just a quick note. Please do not refer to me as Dee-Dee. It sounds like a name one would call someone who has the tits of Dolly Parton or Heidi Montag. Thank you. And to answer your personal question; Yes Chezza's (blank) is extremely beautiful.
Hollywood Hills, California