Me and a few mates have hatched a really cunning plan. Because Israel won't apologise for shooting them there people on that aid boat, we're gonna get some helicopters to drop us on some of them illegal West Bank settlements, and when they attack us with sticks and barbecue tongs we'll shoot the bastards. That'll make 'em think twice in future.
Nogga Dogg, Norris Green
It makes me laugh when people say it's a free country. Is it bollocks! I can guarantee that every time I stagger into a pub as pissed as a shit-house rat, the bastard behind the bar will refuse to sell me a pint. Even if I have the money and haven't evacuated my bowels or bladder all over the carpet. Yet these same bastards fly the England flag for the World Cup! Free country be buggered!
Malky the Alky, Frimley
Three cheers for Anna Botting off Sky News for her excellent coverage of the recent Cumbria gun rampage. Good old Anna really does have a fine pair of big hairy bollocks. She got right in there and asked the questions anybody in their right mind would want answers to. You have to admire the way she dispensed with the niceties and got down to the blood'n'guts nitty gritty about blood and guts and corpses rotting in the sun. Well done Anna! It's nice to know that quality journalism is still very much alive and kicking.
Stephen Griffiths, Wakefield
It's refreshing to see David Cameron already living up to his election promise of 'change' After being made redundant at work today, I returned home to find that my brother had moved in with my wife and that they'd 'changed' the locks and I could no longer gain entry to my own home. As I walked away down the street feeling homicidal and homeless, I was at least reassured that things certainly have 'changed' since Mr Cameron took the top job.
Dennis Mental, Sellafield
I think it's an absolute disgrace that Liverpool FC have parted company with Rafa Benitez. He's been the best thing on Merseyside since the Beatles, and they've let him go. It's a fucking disgrace. Let's just hope they appoint a suitable successor soon. Somebody like Sven Goran Ericsson or Graeme Souness again.
Jarbo T Killer, Stretford