Dear Editor: My unmarried auntie Ida Ravenscroft, 67, and I were wondering if they ever found out "Who Let The Dogs Out?"
Byron Basil Ravenscroft
Dear Byron: Yes they did. It was a 33-year-old unemployed crumpet maker from Coventry by the name of Lysander Walpole. He was arrested and is currently serving 2 years (that's 14 in dog years) in London's Petula Clark Prison For Blokes.
Dear Editor: My wife and I just saw the movie Robin Hood starring Russell Crowe. There was certainly a whole lot of fighting going on between the English and the French. Tipsy (the wife's name) and I were both under the impression that the French don't like to fight. But they were sure doing a whole lot of it. What gives?
Mr. and Mrs. Neville Cavendish
Fargo, North Dakota
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cavendish: You are both correct. The French do not like to fight, the soldiers in the movie were really Germans dressed up as French.
Dear Editor: This may be a rather silly question, but can one get mononucleosis from kissing the Blarney Stone?
Dear Alfred: First of all Alfred, there are no silly questions, only stupid ones. Now to answer your question. No. A person cannot get mono from kissing the Blarney Stone. But one can really get all kinds of weird shit from kissing Amy Winehouse.