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Monday, 17 May 2010

image for Msr. Francois Dubois Confessional for May 17, 2010 Msr. Francois Dubois, S.J. hearing confessions

Problems in Paradise

Dear Msr. Dubois:

I love reading your letters and articles. Where did you get your wealth of information about sexual issues? Aren't all priests supposed to live celibate lives?

Anyway, my problem is my boyfriend's bad breath. He likes to perform oral sex on me, but when he comes up for air and wants to kiss me, his breath is super nasty. It makes me want to gag.

How can I tell him this without hurting his feelings?

Signed,
Suffocating for LOVE


Dear Suffy:

How can I tell you this without hurting your feelings? If his breath reeks after he goes down on you, don't you think it's what he's been licking that really stinks?

Take a bath.
Sincerely,
Msr. Francois Dubois, SJ


Dear Msr. Dubois:

My wife and I are planning to attend a wife swapping party. Everyone who's coming is a RC, so we will be keeping it within the faith.

My wife is really enthusiastic because she drew the nameof one of the studliest guys in our group, Jorge.

I'm not too thrilled though because the woman whose name I drew is a rather large, heavy woman and she could crush me by accident. What can I do to remain alive during this encounter?

Signed,
Juan


Dear Juan:

What ever you do, don't let her get on top. I made that mistake with my sister back in 66 and I ended up with a ruptured lung.

Big women are fun because they are so grateful. Even I can get laid with one of them. But do not--repeat, do not let her get on top, even for a second.

And, if she has bigguns, make certain to stick your head between her melons and have her shimmy left and right.

It's called Wubbling, because the sound you hear as her hooters bash in your brains is "Wubble, wubble, wuble."

I will pray for you.

Sincerely,
Msr. Francois Dubois, SJ

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