President Barack Obama, in an unprecedented move, has announced plans to dissolve the Senate and the House of Representatives. The movement has already been upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court, whose vote to support the measure was unanimous considering the guns put to their heads.
Said Obama in a news conference in the White House Briefing Room, "The American People have spoken. We need to stay the course on our reform and cannot do this if we are battling against a hostile entity within our own government. Regardless of the fact that we will lose the votes in the mid-term elections, I will not lose my power."
Following is a transcript of the questions and answers from that news conference:
Helen James, ABC news: "Mr. President, you said that the American people have spoken. Well, they also speak through the ballot box and planned to elect the Congress that you just dissolved. Which speaking are you listening to?"
Obama: "They elected me to this office almost two years ago. I promised reform and change and I'm going to fight it to its bitter end. There were also some irregularities in the voting in this recent election and I've turned it over to the Florida Supreme Court to settle that matter."
Bob Lemon, NBC news: "Mr. President, there is no precedence in this country or in our constitution for the move that you just made. What gives you the authority to dissolve an entire branch of government?"
Obama: "Before World War Two, Hitler dissolved the Rice..., the Rick..., the Rich..., he got rid of their congress too. He could not successfully carry out his mandate, so he took away the thing that opposed him."
Tim Grapefruit, Fox news: "So are you comparing yourself to Hitler?"
Obama: "Limbaugh compares me to Hitler all of the time, and why not? Great men must do great things to become greater. The greatest good for the greatest number."
Tim Grapefruit, Fox news: "Please answer my question. Mr. President, are you comparing yourself to Adolf Hitler of Germany?"
Obama: "If you mean the Hilter that united a nation, rebuilt a devastated economy and infrastructure, put millions of people back to work, and wore some really neat uniforms, then yes."
Eric Kiwi, Associated Press: "What about the elections two years from now?"
Obama: "What elections? In 2008, you voted me President for Life (whether you knew that or not)."
Kevin Applebutter, NBC News: "What other glorious changes will you be making, my wonderful leader?"
Obama: "Effective immediately, the Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, Brownies, and Girl Scouts will become the Obama Youth For Change. They will get these cute little brown uniforms and arm patches. My glorous speeches will be piped in to all work places and everyone will listen to his program daily. My picture will hang in all churches, schools, and public buildings. The Chicago Cubs will be declared winners of the World Series every year. We will set up a glorious government that will reign for a thousand years!"
At the conclusion of the this statement by our Glorious Father, those reporters who laughed, snickered, or rolled their eyes were taken out and shot.