Written by Lila Croft
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Tuesday, 9 September 2003

image for JESUS FOUND!!!!!!!!! Our "Buddy" - Christ

Tell all the Christians to stop fussing and searching, Jesus has at last been found!

Around the hour of Midnight, The Spoof''s very own reporter Jackie Sharp, under the influence of alcohol you understand, walked into a brothel, in an area which will remain unnamed, and saw, none other than the Christian deity himself, Mr. Jesus Christ.

This religious figure, looking very happy with himself, was caught with his sandals removed and his toga hitched up around his chest surrounded by girls wearing varying items of bondage outfits. When confronted, He merely stated that He had heard that a person reincarnate of Mary Magdalene had been found there and he was, and I quote " reliving good times."

The relationship between the son of God and the Galilean hussy has been the centre of much speculation. When this issue was brought to His attention, He told us His version of the truth. "Yeah, she washed my feet a few times and dried them. a combination of tears and hair I believe it was. Personally I'd much prefer a foot bath like they have these days, but it was hard times we lived in. I digress. I swear by my father, nothing else happened between us."

When asked if Jesus would like to return to his former duty of informing the masses about God, his father, he simply replied "No f***ing way! I'm sick and tired of all you stupid people fighting over whose religion is better." while puffing on a joint " All you stoners are right, weed is the way to go...... ooooh, pretty leaves!......"
The focus then shifted to His bloodshot eyes, when a sudden movement caught our eye. Jesus simply keeled over backwards, and after some puzzlement a voice came close from his body. "he's dead!"

Ah well, one messiah gone.
WHO'S NEXT?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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