Written by Earl Grey
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Wednesday, 12 May 2010

image for Who's Who In New Cabinet Mugabe was hoping to be given the agriculture brief

Many people may be confused about the British Government. Here we provide a cut out and keep guide to the new cabinet.

Prime Minister: Lord Snooty. Old Etonian, Bullingdon Club, champagne swilling Dave the Rave. Likes beating servants and toasting crumpets on teenage boys.

Deputy Prime Minister: Nick Fagg. Promises to do whatever Lord Snooty says in return for a chance to pretend to be the PM.

Chancellor of the Exchequer: George Strangeone. Mad, eccentric. Thinks the moon is made of cream cheese. Likes sex with cows.

Home Secretary: Theresa May. Veteran pornographic model and actress. Collects shoes.

Foreign Secretary: William Vague. Beer swilling Northerner, who once dreamed of the top job. Delivers beer in Dewsbury before going through his ministerial boxes.

Health Secretary: Oliver Letswinwithliberals. Twisted, evil individual who wants to privatise sick people.

Defense Secretary: Lord Pantsdown. Wants to get deep behind enemy lines and shag their women.

Trade and Industry Secretary: Bruce Forsyth. Better known for his dancing skills, Forsyth is also a veteran politician who likes to switch channels frequently.

Other positions are yet to be announced, but Gordon Brown is said to be available.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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