Dear Monsignor Dubois:
You helped me so much the last time I wrote you for advice, so I thought I'd get your take on my special problem. I know you won't reveal what I say to you, not to anybody, right?
Well, last week I picked up this little chippie in the parking lot behind my house. We hit it off really well, and I convinced her to come back to my flat for a little, well, entertainment.
My Missus was gone for the day,so we settled in the bed for some face time.
Fast forward to this week:
Missus Skoob complained that something in the bed had caused her to break out and itch on her bottom. She dropped trou and showed me her behind. Normally, that really gets me going, but when I saw those nasty, weeping sores on her butt, I nearly passed out.
Can you help me find out what she has, and should I tell her about my "encounter?"
It's called "Rash on her ass," and she got it from the whore you took to your marriage bed. Now, I would have at least changed the damned sheets, you idiot!
No, hell no(!) don't tell her about the whore. Tell me more about her. Do you know where I might find her? She needs treatment at the very least, and I have a fantastic treatment regieme. I use it on all the altar boys who come down with Rash on the ass.
I also have a very good, professional DSLR and will need to take photos of her backside. I use these photos to keep the altar boys in line, and away from women, don'tcha know.
Anyway, take two Hail Marys and a cup of Penn VK will heal her ass.
And, by the way, I'd better have a look at Mrs. Skoob's ass as well, while I'm at it.
Msr. Francois Dubois, SJ