Written by Jalapenoman
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Tags: Bitch, Dogs, skippy

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

image for Skippy Meets A Friend Skippy likes to eat cigarette butts from the gutter after sex.

Skippy Meets A Friend

Introduction: Skippy the dog liked his new master. He liked sleeping on the warm floor of the laundry room in an old laundry basket, curled up in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles blanket. He also enjoyed his dog biscuits and the occasional belly rubs from his owners.

Skippy, however, was not really a dog!

Even though he was picked up from the pound, even though he was registered with the AKC (American Kennel Club), even though he wore a collar around his neck, and even though he ate from a dog dish, barked at people, and enjoyed licking himself, Skippy wasn't really a dog.

Just like Pinnochio was a puppet that wanted to be a real boy, Skippy was a real boy that wanted to be a dog.

Okay, he wasn't really a boy, he was an all-the-way-grown-up-man, but he still wanted to be a puppy. He had been mistreated as a boy and felt that a dog's life was best for him.

Grandpa Buck, a retired writer in Florida, felt sorry for Skippy. He needed a dog to fetch his slippers and to lie at his feet and to chew on his newspaper and to play with his grandkids. When he heard about Skippy, he had the Humane Society in Florida contact the Humane Society in Northern California and payed to have Skippy shipped to him (but Skippy's airplane ride is another story).

Skippy Meets A Friend

Skippy's name on his AKC paperwork was Skippard's Fantastic Orange. He thought that the name came from that wonderful sack between his legs that he loved to lick. It was wonderful and fantastic and gave him almost as much pleasure as when you scratched above his tail in just that right spot.

Skippy was lying in his front yard, waiting to bark at the mail man, when he noticed that the old neighbors had a moving van in front of their house. They were leaving due to the economy as Mr. Tucker had lost his job, his house, his car, and his pension. Mr. Tucker blamed it on Obama-economics, but Mrs. Tucker said it was because of "that damned raghead in the White House."

Since there were no white houses on the street, Skippy didn't know what house she was talking about.

After barking at the mailman, Skippy went inside and tried to hump Grandpa Buck's leg. It was his favorite thing to do in the afternoon. After getting kicked off three times, he decided that he should go try and hump someone else's leg.

Such was a dog's life!

A week later, Skippy was in the front yard again, lying on his back and getting a nice tan on his orange. He was, however, ready to pounce if he saw a mailman or stranger on his street.

A car and a moving van pulled in next door at the house the Tuckers and just left. Out of that van emerged a Mom, a Dad, three kids, and a big, ferocious looking dog. It must have weighed at least fifty pounds!

The dog looked across the yards at Skippy and said "look's like I've got me a new bitch."

Skippy didn't know what that meant, but he didn't like the sound of it. Last Sunday, Grandpa Buck had threatened to was out one of the grandkids mouths with soap for saying that same word. He knew that it must be something nasty.

Skippy slunk to his back yard with his tail between his legs and hid behind the tool shed until dark.

That night, Skippy learned that "bitch" is another name for a female dog. Since Skippy was a boy dog, he figured that he would not have any problems and might make a new friend.

Skippy didn't have a lot of friends, since he tended to make them mad. He chewed up their wallets or peed in their shoes or humped their legs or did many other things that just rubbed people the wrong way. He didn't mean to make so many enemies, but figured that he was just built that way.

The next morning, Skippy ran outside like normal to chew the ends off of Grandpa Buck's newspaper (he'd forgotten all about the beast next door). It was a fun game that they liked to play. Skippy would chew up the newspaper, and then his master would cuss and yell and scream and beat him with it; it was good times!

As Skippy was gnawing one side of the paper, he could read a headline that said "Obama Bends American's Over Again Without Any Vaseline." Little did he know that this article was a metaphor for what was about to happen to him.

Even though Skippy liked to try to hump people on the leg, no one had ever tried to do the same to him...until now...except that it wasn't his leg...and there was no vaseline...and it was just like his bad memories of San Francisco and the Snake House at the Zoo...but this time it felt good!

After Rex was done humping Skippy (Rex was the neighbor dog's name), Rex and Skippy ate some old cigarette butts that they found in the curb of the street.

Rex had a new bitch...and her name was Skippy.

This is how Skippy met his best friend Rex!

The End


Watch for other Skippy adventure stories, including:
Skippy and His Airplane Ride
Skippy Goes To The Zoo
Why Skippy Licks His Balls
The Day Skippy Got Neutered
What Happened to My Balls? (the sequel to When Skippy Got Neutered)
Skippy and the Pussycat Next Door

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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