Written by galgar
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Wednesday, 21 April 2010

image for Brown loses cock in very suspicious circumstances

I felt rather sorry for poor old Boris Johnston when he lost his cock, then I heard that Gordon Brown had also lost his cock and became very suspicious about the circumstances of the loss that purportedly occurred in the middle of the night.

Apparently Sarah was known to be quite jealous of the constant attention he lavished on it. I rather suspect that after being disturbed by his incessant snoring she threw it out of the window because he kept under the bed and was always waking upon during the night to reach down and fondle it.

Fair do's it usually crapped on the carpet, left awful stains on the bedclothes when it came in beside them and woke everyone up with its dawn crowing. However that was not a valid reason for her to be so unkind to the poor thing.

After all even a cock has rights and being tossed out of a second floor bedroom window in the middle of the night when it's cold and dark is a definite infringement of cocks rights.

It wasn't until early morning when Gordy awoke and felt around for his cock he realised that something was wrong and he leapt out of bed quite panic stricken and immediately began a thorough search of the room, desperately calling out its name. Sadly he failed to find it and was crestfallen at the loss of his favourite plaything, having had it for so long.

The alarm was raised by a tearful Gordy and a search of the house and garden was quickly under way and then his good friend Mandy was informed of the loss because their cocks often got together for a little frolic after servicing the local hens in the number ten allotment.

The metropolitan police commissioner was immediately summoned and given an exact description of the missing cock, including exact dimensions, colour and prominent features. A country wide description was issued and a photograph was shown on the twelve o clock news. Downing Street offered a five thousand pound reward for information leading to the recovery of the missing cock, taxpayers' money of course.

A possible late night sighting on Clapham Common proved to be negative...surprisingly. After a fruitless search lasting five days it was presumed lost and the search called off. A few donations trickled in from well wishers for Gordy to buy a fresh young cock.

Reports of the cock being killed and eaten by Eastern European migrants were dismissed as vile Tory propaganda by an official labour spokesman and Gordy stated quite categorically that no Eastern European invader would ever get his mouth around his cock, cooked or uncooked, apart from that they only ate swans, ducks and songbirds.

The RSPCA refused to comment publicly, merely stating their investigation of the cocks mysterious disappearance would be very thorough and if any of the oppositions allegations of cruelty were proven the full weight of the law would fall upon the perpetrators.

One awful possibility came to mind. Maybe the cock was in the hands of terrorists demanding a huge ransom or even threatening to behead it in public.

Unfortunately being a typical tight Scots git, Gordy had omitted to insure his valuable cock and no prizes for guessing who would have to pay for the replacement, the donations secretly going to top up dwindling party funds.

The opposition had a field day making snide remarks about labour MPs expenses being used for personal pleasures and one enterprising soul even suggested a tax on size.

The offer of a slightly used two year old Leghorn was politely refused because Gordy preferred a young one that he could house train, but thanked the Sudanese refugee for his very kind offer. And said yes, he could have a brand new council house for his two wives and sixteen children.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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