My life is a mess. The girl I love doesn't even notice me. I've had to quit my job because everyone thinks I'm crap. I grew a beard but I look like a twat.
I feel so lonely. Please help me Geoff. I have nowhere left to go. I feel like I'm running out of time.
Adrian, West Bromwich
Well, lad you are in a mess. Running out? I know all about that. Just ask Derek Randall. If you ask me (and you have) I think you should play straight with this lass. Stroke her between the v. If she doesn't whip your bails off, you could be well set for a big innings. If you are left outside your crease head to a new pavilion. Drop down the order and concentrate on getting a not out.
Good luck, and remember what Closey used to say: "For fuck sake Geoff, hit the bloody thing you bastard!"