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Saturday, 17 April 2010

image for Pissed Off Donkey Gets Medieval on Socialist Pigs (Part 1) Coming soon to a Parliament near you! (1)

The simplicity and blessed routine of the family farm took a hideous turn outside of Edinburgh when details emerged of an incredible event giving new meaning to hostile takeover. The end result was that a Donkey by the name of Benjamin Orwell Falkes was euthanized in response to a rampage that left a menagerie of dead beasties in its wake.

The harsh reaction and quick manner of his disposition begged investigation and though the stench of cover-up and local conspiracy wafted in a seemingly impenetrable plume our research revealed startling facts.

It began several years ago when geneticist Liam Fleming took the next logical step from cloning and began a systematic gene splicing technique in order to enhance livestock production. The specifics were to isolate preferred traits from one species and introduce them from another however the results from the original test were disappointing and the project abandoned.

In what is becoming an ever increasing problem with the scientific community the false confidence of this type of research created what can only be described as an invasive species. The test animals were allowed to live out their natural lives but apparently natural has nothing in common with this result.

A full line of farm animals were created during the research and it was believed that they were unable to reproduce. When the projects funding dried up they merely placed the animals at a nearby farm rather than offend PETA, and other animal rights groups, by destroying them. The livestock were given to a Mr. Jones who was a known alcoholic and rather unaccomplished farmer. His current whereabouts are not known. That the farm not only continued to operate but began to flourish is where the true story begins.

Scientists have embraced with religious fervor to proving evolution and Dr. Fleming wished to speed it along by splicing human DNA during his project and though the first generation proved useless the following generations bore fruit. These progenies were born after the experiment was shut down with one of the key traits spliced into the even toed ungulates being opposable thumbs. This was intended to allow a better grasp as they foraged but as geneticists have recently found out one gene has more than one function. The pigs not only were able to handle more functions they developed intelligence to a point they took over the farm.

Continue to part 2...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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