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Thursday, 15 April 2010

image for Tony Blair offers Gordon Brown 'help' to prepare for Britain's first US-styled TV election debate

Bamboozling the voters or Britain's first televised election debate - take your pick.

At the starting gate - it's Gordon Blair vs. David (Dave) Cameron vs. Nick Clegg. So who will win, who will stumble at the first hurdle; whose upper lip will break out in a nervy sweat?

Desperate Labour officials have been viewing old JFK vs.Nixon tapes for tips. Of the three, chances are that Gordon Brown's five o'clock shadow will do extra-double duty. Questions being raised are:

Should he opt for laser hair removal to match Cameron's slightly younger look?

What about that splotchy pasty-white complexion - which shade of make-up works best?

How to conceal his plumpy-dumpy, podgy, puddingy gut - borrow William Shatner's heavy-duty stomach binder or swipe wife Sarah's Spanx?

Well fear no more ....Himself has ridden to the rescue.

Labour's biggest Liar-in-Chief phony-Tony has offered Gordie ... the services of his make-up artist (tax-payer funded of course)..

Leaked details reveal the final 7-point picture:

1. old Gordo will be sporting a fake Corrie Street evil David Platt-style orange-y tan

2. heavy under eye concealer

3. "made to look like a week in Majorca" face foundation and powder applied with a large trowel

4. horsey-style, overly bleached white dental veneers (donated by a dodgy Bulgarian supporter)

5. poofy tinted and sprayed hair (styled by a famous Bollywood stylist in exchange for a House of Lords seat)

6. big fat gut - ready to bursting - squished under 3 pairs of Spanx.

7. Wardrobe: courtesy of the Beeb (read faded old pink shirt and lilac tie)

Quite Benny-Hillish indeed!

I say! Anything to Save Britain what!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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