It's said in the Bible that Jesus died and 'arose' 3 days later. Not true. In fact he'd had so much to drink at the last supper that he was quite 'pissed'.
The next day he was still drunk but managed to carry a huge wooden cross up a big hill. It's true, he did stumble a few times but it was because he was bloody well drunk.
When he was 'on' the cross it is said that someone passed up a sponge on the end of a big stick. True. Mind you, the sponge was soaked in booze each time it was put to his lips.
He eventually passed out and was put in a cave with a huge rock place across the entrance. It was actually a prop from the local arena, made out of papier mache.
When he woke up - 3 days later, he couldn't remember a bloody thing apart from having a meal with his best buds on the Thursday night and being kissed by one of his pals, who he knew to be gay.
He pushed the prop boulder away from the entrance then pushed it back because he wanted to 'do a runner'.
He hid for a few days and then, as if by magic, he showed up again.
What a laugh eh? He WAS a 'kidder' wasn't he? If he was here today, he'd be writing for "The Spoof"