Written by Rick Elvee
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Sunday, 28 March 2010

image for Marijuana is... Snoochie, Noochie, Boochies!

Marijuana is...

...Why I wake up in the morning

...How I wake up in the morning

...My shower buddy

...Something the man will never understand

...A breath of fresh-air

...A reason for hope

...The agent of change

...Bi-partisan

...As illegal as speeding

...The reason Hollywood exists

...The reason Jay speaks for Bob

...The reason I know some black people

...The reason people die in peace

...The cure for war

...A Schedule 1 Narcotic with no medical value, unless its Marinol

...Money on a plant

...Why they laughed when they arrested me

...Good enough for Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Stephen King, Barrack Obama, and Morgan Freeman

...Making Kellogs millions

...Making Anheuser-Busch scared

...Killing tumors

...Making doctors, lawyers, teachers, and preachers into criminals

...Why I sleep 13 hours, uninterrupted

...Why I went to college

...Why I'm out of college

...How I educate myself

...Why Bob Dylan invented rap

...Why I read, the Spoof

...Why Will Ferrell is still sometimes humorous

...Why Afroman is my ring-tone

...Why Michael Phelps is the greatest Olympian of all time

...Why Ricky Williams is playing football for money, again

...Why I work 40 hours a week, which is difficult when I sleep for 13 hours a day

...Public enemy numero uno, though it never killed any member of the public

...Why I haven't shaved in a week

...Why I don't care that I haven't shaved in a week

...Possibly, the reason I am single

...Possibly, the reason I am content whacking off

...The reason April 20th isn't remembered for Columbine in Colorado

...The reason I can't remember what you want on your burrito

...The reason there's no more steak left for your burrito

...The reason I am no longer making burritos

...The reason I keep thinking about burritos

...Why Harry J. Anslinger will get pissed on whenever I find his grave

...Why I've mixed Ramen Noodles and clam chowder at least twice

...Beautiful.

And I'm kinda hungry. Fruit Roll-ups and string beans!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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