Written by Jo Dash

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Tags: Law, Murder

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

The house of commons have today passed 4 circumstances in the UK where "murder" is legal.

It has been deemed that these 4 circumstances warrant the murder charge being completely dropped and a pat on the back issued instead.

The four scenarios are:

1: As a motorist stuck behind a fellow driver who is incapable of reaching the speed limit when there is no traffic in front of them, the murder charge is dropped and a pat is rewarded as a thank for removing another of these incapable twats off the road.

2: Benefit abusers. If you know of a benefit abuser, identified by having the ability to work, but instead chooses to stay at home watching daytime TV, scouring the bargain shops or propping up the local bookies etc, usually with a harem of kids in toe, all whilst being funded by the British taxpayer, then murder is again replaced with a pat on the back for removing these leeches from the system.

3: Gang members. If an individual chooses to be in a gang where it's cool to commit crimes against the innocent they are to be rounded up and can all fight amongst themselves to the death. Get the scum off our streets.

4: Z list celebrities. If you encounter a Z list celebrity then murder is acceptable, however, it is recommended to simply save your time and energy and completely ignore them and they will eventually just disappear on their own.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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