Ozzie was contacted today, by one of our our writers to tell him that Becks has recently had bad news regarding the World Cup.
It was thought that having spent some time recently with Becks (helping him out with a bit of impromtu speech therapy) Ozzie would want updating on Becks.
His comments on hearing Becks' news was:
"What the f**ck are yer telling me for? I couln't give a monkey's. F***ing puffter footballers. They think THEY have it hard. They should trying living with Sharon.Christ, she'd try the patience of a bloody Saint.
E's got a wot - injury? Boo-f****ing-hoo. There's innocent people being blown up all over the f***ing world and that tosser's whining about a torn something-or-other.
A tell you wo', and this is the truth, I've 'ad worse pain from withdrawal symptoms over the years. Worse than Becks could 'ever imagine. 'E should try living with a fat wife for a while. Look at 'is wife. She's f***ing gorgeous. You wouldn't even know she was 56. I read that in The f****ing Spoof paper so I know it's f***ing true. I know my Sharon's skinny now, but Jesus Christ, she was like a f***ing beached whale for years.
Becks? Oh yeah! 'E's a wuss. "OH I CAN'T PLAY IN THE WORLD CUP NOW...Boo Hoo." E's lucky to 'ave two legs. Yerv just gotta look at the telly to see the suffering around the world.
Hell, yerv just gotta look at ME for f****s sake. I've done my share of f***ing suffering and it 'asn't tabernacle stopped yet.(That 'tabernacle' is a French word I learned from one of our au pairs. She kept saying it when I was around her. I'm not sure wot it means, but it sounds kinda sexy.)
Hang on, I've gotta check in the fridge. Sharon's planning to chuck a f****ing great ham over the fence into the neighbours' garden. She's done it before an' gotta kick out of it.
Yeah, there's one there.
OK. Where were we? Oh yeah! Becks. Whining little toe rag.
He doesn't give a toss about ME so why should I give a f**k bout 'im?
SHARON....SHARON...DO YOU KNOW A GIRL CALLED KELLY? SHE KEEPS CALLING ME AND SAYING I'M 'ER F****NG DAD. I'N NOT A DAD AM I SHARON? SHARON, CAN YOU 'EAR ME? AN' THAT TOSSER SIMON CALLED AGAIN. SHARON? SHARON?
To tell the truth, this is such a big f****ng 'ouse, I don't even know if she's 'ere or not. She could be in another f****ing country for all I know.