Here we are then.
A bit of a comedown from Anfield. Mustn't grumble though. It could be worse. Could've been Portsmouth, or Luton.
The thoughts of Jaffa Gonzalez as he parked the Renault Kangoo outside Cemetery Park on his first day of managing Bugglestone United - The Buggers.
Gutted at being sacked by Liverpool for failing to finish in the top 15, Jaffa was understandably apprehensive about taking the helm at The Buggers. With just one point from their first 15 games and winter drawing in, things were looking grim, and relegation was already looming.
To be fair to Jaffa, he inherited a crap squad at Bugglestone. The only player of any pedigree at the club was Sniffer Johnson, who once won an England cap when Rio Ferdinand was having a bit of back trouble. Even in his prime, Sniffer wasn't all that good. He never even made it into a Premier League team, although he did play one game as a substitute for Burnley the year they were promoted.
Jaffa didn't have much to work with at Bugglestone, to be fair.
I go into the office and put some personal stuff in my desk. It's certainly not Anfield. But at least I'm still in the game. Cemetery Park, the home of Bugglestone United of the Butcher's Offal Premier League. The Buggers.
There's a knock on the door. It's Tommy Longstaffe, the club Chairman who's a football man through and through. He once had a trial at Newcastle, but that didn't work out. Something to do with Kevin Keegan and David Ginola's girlfriend. Seems Tommy poked his nose in where it wasn't wanted, Ginola took exception to it and King Kev gave him his marching orders.
Something like that anyway.
Tommy shakes my hand. His palm is sweaty. He has a cigar clenched between his teeth. he looks like a particularly repulsive reptilian paedophile.
I smile at him. He blows smoke in my face. My glory years at Anfield are behind me now. This man makes it all perfectly clear to me that he's the big noise around here.