Written by Andy Lam
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 18 April 2005

Oh! What a SPECIAL DAY had ANDY LAM! I am ANDY LAM! and I had a special day.

Why was my day SPECIAL? I think that question you should be asking is, “Hey, why wasn’t MY day SPECIAL?” At least that is what I would be saying to myself if I wasn’t ANDY LAM!

That little issue aside, let me explain why my day was SPECIAL – perhaps it will provide you with some helpful tips on making sure that tomorrow is a SPECIAL day for you! (If it is not too late where you are now, you may even want to try to make today SPECIAL before you go to sleep!)

1) Smile broadly at everyone and everything you meet. THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!! Many people make an EFFORT to smile at people or things that they know or like – I do it for everyone and everything. Let me give you an example. This morning, I was looking for an electric razor. Now it would be natural to smile at the electric razor, since I waslooking for it. Now I looked and looked and looked for the electric razor. I looked in one bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. I looked in another bathroom drawer – but it wasn’t there. Did I frown? NO WAY! I smiled at the contents of the drawer. (I’ll bet you don’t have as many bathroom drawers as I do, but that is OK!) By the time I found it (in the first drawer I had opened), it was too late to shave, but I SMILED ANY WAY!!!!

2) Make sure your limbs are loose. This is easy for me because I have a team of flexperts™ whose only job is to keep my limbs bendy. You can do it yourself though and you’ll thank yourself if you do.

3) Eat fun food. Food is important, but if it makes you sad or angry, DO NOT EAT IT! I did an exhaustive audit of all of the foods that I have ever eaten and so have a book that lists all of these foods along with the emotions and moods they engender. It makes it easy for me to change moods quickly. Here are a few examples. If I want to be angry, I eat beets. If I want to laugh, I eat mangos. If I want to feel sleepy, I eat grapes. If I want to be somnambulant, I eat grapefruit. If I want to be drowsy, I eat grape nuts. Today, I hand a cup of sugar – that always leads to fun.

4) Ignore bad sights, sounds, sensations or smells.

5) Don’t hesitate to engage strangers in conversation. (This is easy if you have made it a point to smile at them really hard.)

There are, of course, many other steps that can (and should) be taken, but unless you know what you are doing, you can get yourself into a world of trouble.

So I started the day with a big, Big, BIg, BIG smile. It actually hurt my face! Then I walked all of the way from my chambers to the commissary. This is a long walk but it allows me many opportunities to bend my limbs. First one way and then another. By the time I got to my seat, I had really gotten loose! Now I was sitting down and eating some sugar. I had given my cook my moodu™ the night before so all of the food I was given was calculated to make for a SUPER DAY. Now some of this food – while it helps with the mood, can be a bit rank in its aroma. Problem? Pish-posh! I simply IGNORED THE SMELL of the prunes boiled in beet paste and ate it up. By this point, I was REALLY READY FOR ACTION, so I went out onto the street.

Did I talk to strangers? You betcha! I saw a man pumping gas into his car so I had my driver pull over. I accosted him with a bazillion questions. After 45 minutes, I got the sense that he was ready to get on his way and so with one last REALLY BIG SMILE, I said a loud ADIOS, twisted my arms akimbo and ran back to my car.

Feeling really, really, really, really, really, really SUPER, I AM . . .

ANDY LAM!!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

86 readers are online right now!

Go to top